*THREAD (for those who know me offline and actually care).

I thank God.

(1)

Almost daily, and certainly every time I think about it, I thank God that I do not yet have children. It has been a desire to have a wife and family as part of my vision in life, but those plans were frustrated.

(2)

I have been glad for about a decade now, that those plans HAVE BEEN frustrated. Especially once I realized how deep and pervasive the attacks on the minds and spirits impressionable children indeed runs via TV, movies, etc.

(3)

It is tantamount to bombardment and assault via screen.

I would have unwittingly subjected my children to this stuff and wondered, along with my peers in the past 15-20 years, "WHY DO THEY ACT LIKE THIS?!?!"

(4)

And then when you dig into certain outlets and into their history, then the constant usage of subliminal imagery, text and the use of double entendres related to sexual acts with children, and the like...

(5)

And knowing what my calling in this life has been and will forever be, that, had I had the family that I envisioned WHEN I envisioned it, I would have been out of position and lacking the wisdom necessary to navigate these treacherous waters henceforth.

(6)

Worse yet, be ill-equipped to inform those who cannot see, and who I was called by God to watch over.

It also explains, in part, what has gone on (prior to this job, which is absolutely perfect for me; even if not the most lucrative, money-wise, but PERFECT) since 2005.

(7)

When I left that job, the one where I was scratching over $100K before I was 25, and didn't have a single degree (where I have a bachelors and five masters now, less $; but CONTENT), a lot of things were in motion that it took me a decade to realize and become grateful for.

(8)

I went through two distinct, protracted periods of unemployment, despite being equipped to do virtually any job at that point. It was never about ability, KSAs or even who I knew. Something ALWAYS went askew.

(9)

I applied for over 20,000 jobs between 2006 and 2011, before landing the job handling the foreclosures related to the recession and massive acquisitions of small banks (we didn't accomplish a single thing, it was all a front and the major bank shall remain nameless)

(10)

Then, after being laid off out of the blue for reasons that baffled those who remained (as I was top 3% in every regard, never even so much as late to work, never absent without permission, etc.) went through five and a half MORE years of unemployment.

(11)

Just before I landed my current job, I was literally preparing to kill people just as Colin Ferguson had done on the LIRR. God is my witness and knows where my heart was at the time. It had become ridiculous. All this experience, all the academics to support it, and no job?

(12)

It was a ram in the bush moment for me. I mean LITERALLY (this was Labor Day 2017) the day after arriving at that heinous level of anger -- my cousin who lived with me at the time can attest to this, as can a friend who lived in the same town outside of DC at the time --

(13)

I got the call from a temp agency that I hadn't even used since a decade before, in New York (this was Washington's office calling!) asking me if I was interested in doing work in Risk Management.

(14)

Of all the applications and things I focused on, the job I landed was one that I DID NOT apply for. Think about that and see where it can be applied symbolically in YOUR LIFE.

(15)

But once that happened, it was like a massive storm clearing up and a blue sky with perfect conditions rolling in. Things began to quickly change for the better literally overnight. I bought my car, started the job, moved into a nice townhouse, finally able to save $, etc.

(16)

But the point in all that is that God was getting me to see some things during all of this and I didn't realize it FULLY until I started this job and began ruminating in reflection over my 41 years.

(17)

As much as I wanted a wife (and it will still happen, but only NOW that I am actually equipped to be for her what I fully need to be from a spiritual standpoint in this world we're heading into), it would have been to EVERYONE'S detriment had it happened before now.

(18)

And most notably, for any children that I would have helped bring into this world.

(19)

They wouldn't have the foundation needed to navigate these waters, as I had prayed LOOOOONG before I even began my adult life. I was on the hamster wheel like almost everyone else, focused on getting a job (and more so, NOT HAVING ONE, or the money I once had).

(20)

I am the extension of a legacy with my own life, and that of any wife and children was to build upon that legacy: one of glorifying God through imperfections, favoring wisdom and true virtues over material gain, etc.

(21)

It is why I ran into nothing but women who were antithetical to what I envisioned. My plans were frustrated because I wasn't seeing what *I* needed to be focused on and preparing to do, in order to make a place for her or any children.

(22)

This was not rebellion or disobedience, or delaying God's will. It is right on time. I was being perfected through that storm, one that virtually no one reading this thread can fathom enduring and most wouldn't have survived without losing their minds or killing themselves.

(23)

BUT, it was MY walk and MY cross, and I'm better off for it. I see the things that my children must be shielded from, and only a woman with shared wisdom is suitable to be alongside me and bear those children. Until then, I remain a student figuratively and literally.

(Fin)

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