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It's five am, and I can't sleep, and my train of thoughts somehow ended up leading me to the seventeen years old Yoongi running from Daegu to Seoul with literal nothing but a dream he held so dear he wouldn't let anyone take it away from him; I am in tears, that's just too much
Not even exaggerating saying I'm crying bc I ended up actually crying over that, just,, thinking all of this,, how strong of a will that person had, how tight he held on to that one dream that made him beat and breath, and how much he suffered for it..I just,, idk how to word it
I'm just really emotional, I have so much for this guy, I can't even start describing it bc I'm not sure there are enough words to do so,,, I admire him so deeply, for how bold and fearless he was, tho I'm sure he was scared, but his will was still bigger than the fear
And how he had to go through all those painful things, how he had to be out there on his own fighting for what he loved with his whole heart,,, I honestly wish I was at least half as bold, half as passionate, he amazes me, he just does
I hate my tears rn
Ah, seriously, my mind just went 'hey, how about we start crying in the middle of the night, huh? huuuh??? *wink* *wink*' get the fuck out, what did you gain from that ;_;
Yoongi, what did you doooo
I think,,, if there's a song that suits him, it's their own remake of come back home,,, it just,, says so much, so reassuring, and it just makes me go back to thinking of the struggling youth, a whole mess, all lost, yet passionate about smth, it all is just a bit scaring them
Kinda don't want the morning to rise bc I like it right now, feels like all these thoughts I'm having right now,, like I'm telling secrets to the night, and it's gonna keep them safe, and I'm just,, kind of more of myself rn,,, daytime is just awkward,, exposing
I also feel this huge wish to talk to Namjoon after watching his recent vlive yesterday,,, talk as in have a conversation,, a dialogue? hear him sharing his thoughts, discussing,,, the 'I wanna get to know his mind' type bc his mind is attracting the interest with its depth
But like,, shit, I can't even put a sentence together when I'm too emotional about a thought or when my mind is wandering out there searching for depth and simplicity at the same time,, and that's how it kind of is, they just go hand in hand, and that's what's exciting about that
I should've fallen asleep, now I'm gonna be half-d*ad tomorrow ;_;
Ah, I just,,, I don't know what I'm doing at this very point in my life, or where it is going, or is it even going anywhere, it's just,,, stuck,,,
Not even bc of the quarantine and spending a whole month at home, but bc I can't find that something in me that will sparkle up my soul or smth,,,, it's like I'm not really here, just ghosting through days turning into years
Gonna blame having these thoughts on the philosophy class I had yesterday and on Namjoon bc both gave me some food for thought, and now I'm just,,, um,,,, feeling my mind 
Like, seriously, ah, when i think about this exact moment of time, the air seems grey and thin, the time seems non-existent and lost, and nothing makes sense, and I feel like throwing up bc of all the emptiness and pointlessness
Fall the fuck asleep pls
Ignore this thread when you see it haha
Y'know those movie scenes when the character is lying in bed staring at the ceiling with half-blank half-thoughful indie expression? that's me rn, I'm the character
