If someone you love feels vulnerable because of #COVID19 or if someone you love is dying and you can’t be with them I want to suggest this… but I’m nervous to do so, so take it or leave it if it doesn’t feel right for you. 1/10

When my husband was dying I wrote him a letter....

I read it to him every night for months – read it when I was too tired to read it, when I was angry with him, angry with myself, when I was tired of re-reading it. I read it and read it and read it. And I cried at different points almost every night in the reading of it. 2/10

Sometimes I cried at the first words: ‘My dearest love, my well of happiness…’ & sometimes at the part about death the ‘mysterious onwardness that abides'. Sometimes my voice broke at ‘You are, & have been, courageous’ or at ‘your friends & I feel you're filled with grace… 3/10

...that even as you grow quieter and more distant you still fill all of our hearts with love.’
(And you know what? I’m crying again as I write this for Twitter.)
My hope was that if he died alone the sheer bloody repetitiveness of the letter would be with him in the night.
4/10

So maybe now, in this time, try to write that letter for your loved ones. Your kids, your parents, grandparents, partners, best friend. In an ideal world you’ll read it every year on their birthday for decades & laugh at the sentiment. 5/10

In a less-than-ideal world they’ll hear it a handful of times read through a phone in the ICU.

This letter, for us, was a mantra. A manifesto.

It changed my life b/c I got to say what I felt and all that I’d want to be said to me if I were dying: that ‘I see you...'

6/10

'...the you I have known and loved for all these years, the man inside this body I love, a body which is struggling but which still, in its present grace, allows you to be here.’

Not everyone can write these letters, I know.

7/10

It only has to be a few sentences. ‘You mean the world to me, you're X’ – & a set of best qualities, those moments where the person you love met themselves at their best. A truth.

And yes, all relationships are complex. It’s okay to say ‘You drive me crazy but...’.

8/10

It’s also okay to love someone & feel they don’t deserve your letter.

If words come hard to you, ask for help. If you’re a writer maybe share this idea & offer to help write it.

Words matter.

To be affirmed of one’s worth at the end is an extraordinary thing.

9/10

My letter allowed me to survive my grief. That was an unexpected gift.

And YES: deeds are also letters.

Bear witness as best you can.

Lastly: ssorry for the epic tweet. I'm trying to be useful.
Thank you for reading.