I regret to inform everyone my reaction to current events is apparently to get deeper into Tolkien shit than I ever have before.

Today I learned where Balrogs came from.

“How’s it going, Sean?”
“Not great. I can’t go anywhere and also a terrible doom has come upon Valinor.”

Last night on Jeopardy an answer was just "Galadriel" but I said "Galadriel, daughter of Finarfin." I don't deserve love.

I don’t have a problem, YOU have a problem.

At this point, I could explain the lineage of the early Elven societies, or how western Middle-earth was reshaped by the sinking of Númenor at the end of the Second Age.

Still can't place all 50 states on a U.S. map.

Even the Hobbits had a model for defunding police.

“Chess? All of a sudden they’ve got CHESS?” I exclaim, rereading Return of the King after all this lore stuff in which chess never came up. “It’d be like if a robot butler casually showed up in Little Women,” I continue, having lost my mind.

The hobbits come home to find the Shire under the control of a violent police state who have seized the post office

Narratively I understand why they left the Scouring of the Shire out of the movies, but in hindsight it might’ve been good for a generation to see little hobbit villagers overthrow a fascist regime.

Surprise gift capping off my Tolkien year, these 60s paperback editions I’ve always loved.