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Rly not looking forward to being alive for the rest of my life
Been stuck in limbo since 2014 and I'm fucking done and tired of it all, but everything would fall apart in my current situation if it wasn't for me. I can't even get a simple thank you for everything I've done for these damn people
Kinda wish something absolutely terrible would happen to me so I can finally get a damn break. Also literally no one takes me seriously when I try to tell them smth. So hopefully someday smth will happen to me that will make everyone truly listen to me and what I have to say
It sounds so narcissistic but fuck,,
Imagine raising ur niece and nephew since u were 14 meanwhile sister is out sn*rting cr*ck and worrying about men instead of caring abt her kids while having a couple mental disorders to deal with and having to get in between physical fights w sis and mom in front of said kids,
Making sure they literally don't k*ll each other, making sure babies don't get hurt since sis thought it was a good idea to initiate a fight while holding a BABY
This being one of the reasons why I had to drop out of high school and remain jobless lmao, I can't even eat without thinking abt someone else's kids
Never got anything out of this by the way, no paycheck. The only thing I get is whatever sickness that these kids happen to get. I love them to death but I can't do it anymore!!!!!! The only thank you I ever got was from my mom, sis doesn't give a shit n only cares abt herself
Today sis is off of work, niece stays with me n mom 90% of the time n doesn't even care to check in to see how niece is doing. Nephew is living with his dumbass dad, sis doesn't even fight it cause he's hyper/naughty, sometimes too much to handle so she doesn't want to deal w him
There was a time when nephew could only come over on weekends, but staying with us instead of staying with sis, like how it's SUPPOSED to be. But instead, here they are, driving me n mom fucking crazy
Sometimes I try to talk to my mom abt not being able to get a job cause of these kids that are NOT mine, n she's like "I know, I know, but there's surveys online where u can get money" and I'm like what the actual fuck? I'm 19 years old and I have no choice but to rely on YOU for
Everything!!!! Is this not an issue? N then when I say I can't do this anymore, she's like "well u never do anything anyways" umm, in case u couldn't tell or remember our last conversation, I have ZERO say in this whatsoever, It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I CANT and she knows
It. She told me if I really really wanted to get a job, then I could get one and sis can deal with it on her own. But I know that's not gonna happen at all, it's literally not possible. What am I supposed to do? I see ppl I used to go to high school with getting jobs, going to
college, buying cars, working to get their own apartment. And then there's me, having no choice but to be a forced stay at home mom when I'm not even a mom. getting absolutely NOTHING out of it except for losing my sanity
My sister is more than capable of having her own damn kids living with her and taking care of them while she works. She doesn't even fucking work that much. My mom loves to compare us for her working to move out of her boyfriend's mom's basement vs me being "lazy" uhh, I almost
single handedly raised two kids who are a little over a year apart since I was 14. What the fuck
Talkin about how everyones gonna get a check from the government except for me cause "I don't work". Me asking why mom is filling out sister's taxes for her and her saying "at least she has taxes" when she knows damn well my entire life revolves around someone else's kids and i
Don't! Have! A! Fucking! Choice!
I can't just up & leave cause I care about my niece and nephew too much and sometimes I wish I was a sociopath and didn't care about anyone at all. And having two kids up your ass, constantly relying on you, asking for shit, screaming, throwing tantrums, I can't take it anymore
IDK how my mom can deal with the fact that her 19 year old high school drop out daughter stays home & has never had a job in her fucking life. I'm honestly thinking about selling feet pics online at this point so I can have and buy something that's not w my mom's money
But if I did, my parents would surely k*ll me so. Maybe it's not an option. Ik I can do things without telling them, I mean I'm over 18 lmao. I just can't grasp the fact that no one needs to know anything but if my family is anything, they're sure as hell always up in everyone's
Business
Also I have this weird sensory thing where certain sounds and too much noise, noise that's too loud etc can really trigger something inside of me to the point where I'd rather rip out my hair and sk*n than to listen to it? 4 and 5 year olds aren't exactly quiet, so it literally
Drives me to insanity where it physically hurts. I think I'm done with this thread now n I'm probably gonna delete it later. Just needed somewhere to rant
