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So i'm going to tell you a story about something that happened to me about this time in 2018. It's a completely true story and although it is a personal story I am hoping it will provide you insights into what is happening.
Thread /1
Thread /1
CW: drugs, psychosis
Firstly this story is about drugs and hallucinations so if those are problems for you best not continue with this thread.
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Firstly this story is about drugs and hallucinations so if those are problems for you best not continue with this thread.
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In August 2017 I was misprescribed medication that caused my brain to overexcite instead of causing me to have a seizure and to develop epilepsy I instead (as I later found out) developed the ability to hallucinate mainly visual with some auditory (now all gone sadly).
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Now I am (believe it or not) fairly sane. I might have some triggers and occasionally overreact (I am autistic afterall lol) but I have no real hang ups. I have high self-esteem and don't hate myself or anything like that (from years of expensive therapy I might add).
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Without getting into the details unbeknowst to me due to another drug I was on, drugs increased overexcitation of my brain whilst it being able to in response cause me to hallucinate. I didn't lose insight so not technically psychosis I believe.
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Having felt like I'd done too much drugs* I went to hospital in Manchester and I was fine. My heart was fine. They put me in a room until it had worn off enough for me to go home.
*entirely the fault of the new medication for which there was no warning about I might add
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*entirely the fault of the new medication for which there was no warning about I might add
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I then set off home hopeful that I would again hallucinate. It was an hour walk home and usually quiet and a place I was very familiar with, so little anxiety in relation to the journey. Indeed I enjoyed it.
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I started walking through this familiar estate and I saw this person (who in hindsight looked a bit like my ex) and he looked lost standing in the middle of the road. I then thought I must be extra careful crossing the road so I don't get run over.
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I then looked about the estate and saw all these people milling about which I thought was strange as it was midnight. I then saw this group of women chatting to each other and I thought what if someone comes and talks to me.
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I saw I had my trainers on and thought if someone comes and talks to me then I can just run away. Having solved those two potential worries I felt much less anxious and walked home intent on enjoying the experience.
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I then walked through the estate and crossed the road to a darker alley. I thought this will be fun I wonder what I will see here! I walked up to this path and saw three guys talking to each with their bikes on the ground in front of them. I remember staring at their bikes.
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I then saw this guy on a bike circling round (it reminded me of the boy in breaking bad but with hindsight the guy was the same as the one earlier). As I walked up he cycled up the road right next to this guy walking away.
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I thought that was really odd but carried on walking home. I then got obsessed with flashing lights (as you do lol) but I didn't have anymore hallucinations.
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Over the next few days I pondered what happened and THREE WHOLE FUCKING DAYS LATER. I realised that even with trainers I would not have been able to outrun someone on a bike. Twice my unconscious had tried to tell me this but my conscious did not want to hear it.
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The thought was alien to me. Like God or some other higher power existed and had been trying to warn me. Of course if I *had* thought that then I would have had a really shitty walk home. So my brain shielded me from the facts to protect me.
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So people aren't stupid or thick or idiots. We literally cannot see what's in front of us if it will cause us psychological problems. Even me who has enormous amounts of insight compared to others is not immune (thankfully in this case).
/fin
/fin
