*cough*

Okay so... Here we go. It'll take as long as it needs to be.

I've told family and friends. Believe it or not, telling YOU is the toughest of the three. We don't know each other, but there's a bond. There really is. You show up, and I say something interesting.

I'm going to tell you right now. THIS ISN'T A CRY FOR SYMPATHY!! This... What I'm about to tell you, is just how it is. After a looong examination of who I am, where I'm heading, and what I want, I made a decision.

And it is a Game Changer.

No... I'm not starting a podcast

Oh, a Hyatte podcast would be good to sometimes great, but not Great to Usually Killer. And we are flooded with them already

And 380 followers doesn't help

These plans, they aren't changing. This isn't a cry for help. This is a truth you deserve to know. You've earned this

Okay... Let's recap: I've got renal failure (kidneys are destroyed), congenital heart failure (not great blood flow), diabetes (kidney failure kind of cured this), and charcot (deformed foot due to toe amputation)

And I'm 50 yrs old

And I have no children or wife to worry about

I live in a nice apartment in a house where I'm the only resident. The landlord, who happens to be family, is very chill about this, and kind. But he wants to sell the house. He keeps mentioning, sometimes insisting, that I look into Government Housing.

He's never been inside a Government Assistant House. I have.

The Government teet does not produce healthy milk.

Anyway, I'm not going to one of those Section 8 Homes. No chance

Now... Let me color in this image you have of me right now. I'm not some broke ass crack fucker

I collect a generous Disability check every month, with a good amount left over every month. I've got Netflix, Prime, Hulu, Disney, and WWE Network streaming. Plus cable with HBO. My entertainment needs are covered.

I use Doordash and Grubhub three times a week.

... pricey as Hell, but pretty much every type of food is available.

I'm also as skinny as I've ever been. Check out these veins! I was 12 the last time they were so pronounced. Look at that trail! LOOK!

This is thanks to dyalisis. Dyalisis is a several hour per week (3 days) in patient treatment where your blood is sucked out of you, cleaned of toxins that your kidneys can't clean anymore, and replaced. It also pulls excess fluid from your body. Hence the weight loss.

Now Dyalisis isn't that bad. It kills about 5 hours of your day, you can nap, read, listen to podcasts. The time tends to fly, mostly

That isn't the tough part. The tough part involves what I've been thinking long and hard about... Who I am, where I'm heading, and what I want

The answers: I am Hyatte but mostly Gaudreau, I am heading nowhere slowly, and NOT THIS!

I am not a top of the list candidate for a transplant... And I don't want one. Better people than me deserve one before I do

And even if I got one... Then the diabetes comes roaring back

And my heart can blow at any minute.

Oh... And I can barely walk. No, I don't use a wheelchair, or even a walker. But long range movement means something from the ankle down will break.

I'm on two medications. I do not want to be like your grandparents, with 50 different...

...Meds lining up my bathroom shelf.

Ever see a happy senior citizen? Truly happy? Yeah, me neither.

So... Within the next few weeks, I intend to stop my dyalisis treatment and let nature take its course.

Yes, nature. This isn't suicide. Not really.

Right now, I am using science to hold off nature. 60 years ago, I would've dropped dead and no questions would be asked.

There's a reason even the most Southern, Evangelical states allow patients control over their treatments, even if the results are terminal.

Oh, they'll make sure that I'm mentally stable, of sound mind, capable of dictating my own actions. I am

And I've known I'd go out early for the last 35 years. It's my nature. I've been subconsciously setting this up for my whole life. No wife, no kids. No mess left behind

No siblings, both parents are gone. Hell, I even found a home for my bird. That... That one hurt.

And now I have the unique opportunity to control when I get to check out, without it being a suicide. That is kind of awesome.

Anyway. Once I stop Dyalisis, it'll happen quick

Anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks if I don't eat like a regular person.

I fully intend to eat like a regular person.

My friends. It's my best move. I'm just going where you all are going eventually.

So let's talk about that...

Here's what I hope:

-Upon crossover, we are immediately clued into what it's all about.

-You have to be very, very wretched in order to be denied access.

-I have honestly lived a relatively harmless life, and have ALWAYS had faith

-There are ghosts and demons. Satan IS real.

-I believe I met Satan once in a nightmare. It was not anything I wish on anyone.

-I've had miracles, very small ones, occur on my behalf.

-I've had one legit ghostly encounter. It was a friendly experience.

-I've had terrifying presenses visit me at night a handful of times

... including once on a cruise ship. I found a priest the next day to give me a blessing. It was 25 years before I had another one.

-You ever feel something wake you at night that's so terrifying that you are too afraid to do anything but play dead? Then you heard it chuckle?

-I did commit one act of pure sin that I've never mentioned to anyone. It's a doozy, under a certain context. No, no physical laws were broken. I'd never go to jail for it. I wouldn't even be arrested after a full confession. I was a dumb 24 year old trying to impress a girl

-I believe I've been forgiven for it. God can't punish those who didn't know any better.

-DON'T BOTHER TRYING TO GUESS!!

-Anyway, for you agnostics and atheists... Yes, I do allow that we might simply wink out of existence... but when you track our steady evolution...

... and how fast we adapt... To improve life for those who follow us... It just seems so pointless to assume there's nothing beyond except darkness and a void. Why bother? Why are we aware for a few decades before we go back to nothingness? Doesn't jibe.

-The other option, other than Heaven/Hell and nothingness, is Reincarnation. Billions of Buddhists, Hindus, and Sikh's believe. Nothing wrong with it.

-I hope I have this option. I also hope I get to pick who I get to be and get the best tools to achieve my dreams.

-It's all very petty and human stuff. Again, I'm sure everything I think I know will be severely corrected within my first few minutes there.

-I'll miss food, and sex. Hell, I'll miss getting a good night's sleep and taking a monster poop.

-If I get to walk the Earth, I won't be alone. There are trillions of souls on the other side. I keep picturing watching WrestleMania from the middle of the ring, but not seeing anything because it's so crammed. Superbowl too

So this is getting silly. Let's wrap up

As you can see, I've invested some thought in this. And yes, I'm focusing on the positives.

And... It could end up like this...

But the alternative isn't feasible for me. It's either control it or sit and rot for 20 more years and it'll come anyway, only I'll be more miserable, with more of my dignity gone, all for the glory of life where I depend on others.

Fuck no

So I'm going to be leaving you soon

So here's the plan where you're involved. I'll tweet some more normal shit. Business as usual.

And then there will be the tweet formally announcing the end of dyalisis. Not sure when this will happen, just sooner rather than later.

Then you can start counting down

So that's the plan.

Oh, and if you think I'm joking... Well, A: fuck you and B: Google Chris Gaudreau : Rhode Island: death. ONE of my local papers will have a notice

Or: C: Just wait 2, 5, 10, 20 years and see if I pop back up! LOL... FOOLED YA!!

And D: Seriously, Fuck you

I'm not sure how much tweeting I'll do after this. BUT I have my final tweet all prepared. I hope to turn this into an online final resting place. For as long as twitter lasts.

I mean, SHE'S still here...