just want to write a crack au where bangtan’s maknae line are rookie crime investigators and namjoon’s the lead detective in charge of their first ever murder case. everytime maknae line make extraordinary, life-threatening measures, namjoon takes a sip of coffee for his sanity

taehyung, bending down to inspect a crime scene: the blood spatter here is very telling

jimin: yes. but how do we know which angle the criminal shot from

jungkook: here

vmin: what

jungkook: nerf gun. shoot me

namjoon: *takes a sip of iced americano from his thermos cup*

jungkook: the time of death is 6.52am

taehyung: yes. i can confirm

jimin: she died of heartbreak

namjoon: how did you know?

jungkook: she’s our sleep paralysis ghost

taehyung: her name’s angelica

namjoon, overdosing on caffeine:

jimin: the suspect said they broke their right arm from falling from the 2nd floor

jungkook: ok. then we must jump too

taehyung: from the 2nd floor, yes.

namjoon: wait what. why?

jungkook: to see if we’ll break our right arm too

namjoon: WHAT are you guys doing with the fingerprint kit brush?

jimin, touching up the blush over his cheekbones:

the 4 of them, about to catch the armed murderer:

taehyung: pass me the condom

namjoon: ?????

jimin: wait. why

jungkook, whispering: ....protection

the murderer, angry and busted: FINE. go ahead and shackle me, officer

jimin, blushing: oh he’s so forward, isn’t he?