So, let's talk about the use of the term "Cinderella" in describing these cases. Cinderella was abused, imprisoned, frightened, a victim. She was delicate, had suffered a number of ACEs and just needed a Prince to save her (insert eye roll here) 1/7 https://twitter.com/DrJennyMackay/status/1250334104656039936

If women who perp violence at home are seen in this way (& I'm not saying they shouldn't be), what is our instinct? Probably to understand why (which usually means assuming self-defence), to care, to sympathise, to rescue.There are 2 fundamental problems with this that I see 2/7

1) We (society) do not give this same understanding to men who are violent within the home. We shame, we call them toxic, we don't care. None of this has ever worked to help people change their behaviour. 3/7

2) We (society) assume violence is used in self-defence and thus entirely justify our main protagonist's behaviour. This does nothing to tackle violence and abuse perpetrated by women, and the narrative works as a maintaining factor for the abuse. 4/7

I have interviewed men whose violence against a female partner was self-defence. I have interviewed women whose violence against their intimate partners was NOT self-defence. 5/7

Women and men who perpetrate intimate partner violence are being done a disservice when we make assumptions, do not listen to their complex back stories and do not attempt to tackle their risk and need. 6/7

Let's please stop talking about women as if they are fragile creatures who can't be blamed for their actions. 7/END