For lots of mixed anxiety reasons, I’ve not left in the house in 5wks 2days. I’m in moderate risk category so meant to do a stricter social distancing but not full shielding. But today I listened to @mrjamesob and his words to callers cut through me more than anyone has so far 1/

So I’m now out for a walk in the sunshine. I’ve not even taken the dog for a walk, feeling like our regular long play in the garden has been enough for her. But I know until I break the cycle of my getting out, I can’t get out with her. And get some normality back into life 2/

I’ve feared local streets are packed. They’re not. I’ve feared catching it by stepping out my front door. But if I’m cautious, hopefully I won’t. I’ve feared and catastrophised so much but in the end, it was easy to do when I decided to do it. I just opened the door and went 3/

It’s in its very essence the definition of taking small steps. Of putting one foot in front of the other and just keeping going. And maybe trying to do one little small positive change per day. And keep going. I had a torrid first 3wks of this. I realised who my friends were 4/

& I realised which friends bring me down & kind of revel in doing so rather than understanding and empathising. But today @mrjamesob showed his callers he understood. My situation is not as harsh as for so many, but it was the words I needed to hear to step forward. Thanks James!

I’m exceedingly grateful for what I do have to hold onto during this crisis. I feel pretty guilty every day about those who don’t. Volunteering on a help phone line the first couple of weeks of this brought that home to me massively. Today I’m grateful I have taken these steps.

When I was a kid I had a bout of school phobia and phobia of leaving the house. That definitely hasn’t resurfaced during this crisis but I’ve felt reminded of it that maybe the outdoors scared me despite how much I love to be out walking. Around London especially when in for work

And for someone who is so able to intellectualise everything and be rational and useful in a crisis, talk it through and give good advice to others, and write my heart out whether for work or creatively, I’m so bad at listening to it myself and taking in what should be so clear.

Anyway, I’ll stop rambling. I’ve just noticed unleaded is down to 1.07 quid a litre at the local garage and now I’m really gutted that I can’t get out for a drive anywhere. If you’re struggling with something, dive in. The water is likely far more shallow than the depth you fear.