Adding on to the thread on whether to address a woman by maiden name or husband’s surname, I want to talk about the etiquette of asking for someone’s name, specifically with relation to social class in period settings. You have to be very careful about how you ask for names.

(1) It’s rude to ask for someone’s name when you’re lower class

Young master (no surname) is used quite regularly. Even if you ask, it’s always 您贵姓 (your honorable surname?) You don’t ask for someone’s given (or courtesy, in period settings) name.

When you’re asked 您贵姓, you often just reply with your surname — “蓝” then it goes straight to “Young Master Lan.” The servant/waiter doesn’t need to know your name because they don’t have the right to use it anyway.

If you really want to know the customer’s name, you ask someone else. “Who’s that?” “That’s the second young master of the Gusu Lan Sect, Lan Wangji.”

It’s, of course, really rude to ask him who he is to his face

(2) It’s rude to ask for someone’s surname if you should know it

Esp in canon context when they are wearing sect robes. If you ask JL for his surname, he might very well respond WHAT you don’t recognize the Jin Sect robes???

If you don’t know, you would usually just use Young Master. If it’s important that you know their surname, then you’d probs ask someone else who the person is. It’s generally safest to ask someone else, because you might offend the person by asking directly.

(3) Asking for maiden names

If JYL walked into your restaurant in the Jin robes, even if she’s not with JZX, it’s automatically Madam Jin. It’s not “feminist” or even polite to ask for her maiden name and use it in a period setting. It’s actually really rude.

Firstly, you should recognize the Jin sect robes. Secondly, since you know those are Jin Sect robes, you’re basically asking the “no where are you REALLY from” question, which is really fucking rude. Thirdly, if everyone is ALREADY calling her Mdm Jin, it’s UNSPEAKABLY rude.

If you’re really that curious what her maiden name is, i.e which family she married in from, you don’t ask her. You ask someone else.

(4) It’s rude to not know someone’s title, and esp rude to use the wrong one.

Waiters will ask someone who you are if you look important. This is so that if someone with a title higher than young master (e.g. prince) walks into your restaurant, you don’t just YOUNG MASTER them.

If you recently moved to Yunmeng, JC walks into your restaurant, and you 这位少爷 (this young master) him....................

Your boss is going to throw a FUCKING fit.

(1) it’s sect leader, not young master

(2) YOU SHOULD KNOW HIS NAME.

Rule of thumb, it’s really rude not to know who someone important is, so if you don’t know who they are, DONT ASK THEM. ASK SOMEONE ELSE.

Anyway, ahem, my agenda for writing this is clearly because I need to see more outsider POV fic. So go forth! and write JC being the incredibly important person that he is!!! GO FORTH!!!!!!!

........ we need more outsider POV fic in this fandom.