also just thinking about how whiteness pervades so much of mainstream lgbt culture. consider this whole aspect of mxtx antis saying “gays travel in a pack”

let’s just set aside the fact that mxtx didn’t say you can’t headcanon side characters as lgbt, and the fact that she chose to focus on a specific couple and develop that specific couple (as all 3 of her novels are centered around two main protagonists)

lgbt ppl of color overwhelmingly do not have the luxury or desire to frame our entire lives and personalities and identities solely around our gender/sexuality

especially those of us who are immigrants. & anyway coming from collectivist cultures, we don’t have the same hang-ups or necessarily the same ideals that white lgbt people enmeshed in an individualist framework do

all of our families and cultures are different. the “lgbt poc” experience is obviously not monolithic and our experiences and beliefs vastly differ based on specific race, religion, nationality, etc

having said that, by and large I have noticed a huge difference in how white lgbt ppl and lgbt ppl of color navigate queer politics, and this is bc white lgbt people still have the material shield of race.

white lgbt ppl don’t want to admit to their own whiteness and complicity and benefits they gain from white supremacy which is partly why they act like being lgbt is like “equal to” or “the same as” being ethnic lol

but anyway the fact is that most lgbt ppl of color will not have some nice little friend group consisting of Just Gays.

I was 12 when I realized that I’m bisexual, fought it for 4 years, at 16 claimed the identity, and then I took an additional 4 years to stop being ashamed of being bi or wanting to distance myself from other bi women.

I’m 23 now — I’ve only been happy with my identity for 3 years. And I’ve been closeted for 11 years.

Still, I grew up in a liberal state in the northeastern US; even IN SPITE of that, I literally knew 3 lgbt south asians, only one of whom shared my specific identity of being a bengali bi girl.

Before I became friends with her I thought I was the only desi girl in the world who is also queer. I had two friends, both Latina women, who came out as bisexual in middle school, and went through hell as a result (they got cyber bullied and abused by their mom)

but I had no south asian lgbt community lol. like again even the fact that I witnessed the very few out queer people in my school going through Hell in spite of us living in a “liberal” city only cemented my own internalized homophobia

I had no framework to guide me, no guidebook or mentor or classes to teach me. hence you may laugh at this but my education in being lgbt largely came from: yaoi doujinshi, fanfiction, f/f original stories on wattpad and quizzilla, “are you gay” quizzes, and queer as folk (US)

and of course my parents, like most brown parents, are homophobic. and unlike white progressives, children of color don’t so easily subscribe to cancel/disposability culture.

it would have been unsafe for me to come out, let alone talk about these things with anyone in my family or community (I’m an indian bengali hindu). only my cousin-sister knows that I’m bi to this day ()

i have to hear my parents make casually homophobic and biphobic comments. People I value as family friends from my community are homophobic. They are all still incredibly important people to me, and it’s not a “the poor brown girl’s family hates her” situation lol

But neither did I want to put myself in an unsafe situation nor did I want to disrupt the bond I have with my family. And while “staying true to your lgbt identity” may be a priority for privileged white lgbt ppl, it’s not for a lot of others in the community.

so I literally did not have a cohesive group of wlwoc friends until I got to college. I went to the university of Michigan. Ann Arbor is an extremely liberal place where it’s safe to be out and lgbt. I literally didn’t know that so many other wlwoc exist until college lmfao

And it was at college that I actually finally became truly comfortable with my bisexuality and stopped hating other bi women — only bc I had met so many fellow bi woc who guided me and helped me

That I had the privilege to attend the school, and meet those wlwoc, and even get internships in DC and NYC where I met even more wlwoc, is not even a privilege that other lgbt ppl of color necessarily have. It’s still a very niche experience. Most Americans don’t attend college.

I met my girlfriend in college. We became friends in sophomore year but only began dating in senior year, though i fell in love before she did. She literally did not realize her feelings for me for so long bc she could not recognize her own bisexuality.

I at least had many years to explore and learn about my sexuality; she, however, grew up in an even smaller town. And like me she’s also an indian bengali hindu but her family is even more protective and conservative.

Again keep in mind that all of this is literally happening in the liberal northeast. Imagine the hell lgbt ppl of color from the south or who live in rural areas go through. What homeless and poor lgbt ppl go through.

So my girlfriend struggled against our budding feelings and kept telling me that she’s straight and will marry a man someday; I never envisioned her later telling me that she wants to be my gf and wants me to treat her as a lover and not a friend.

even after we got together we couldn’t be out in spite of the fact that it was mostly safe to be out. Her friends were homophobic. We always had the fear of being seen or caught by the wrong person (brown people are gossipy and news travels quickly esp. in diaspora communities)

and she hardly has any lgbt friends of her own. so I became her actual introduction not only to her bisexuality but to the lgbt community as a whole. and she’s only claimed the bi identity for a year and a half now.

and then there’s all sorts of other layers.... cultural ideals.... our repression.... the trauma woc have bc of their families and bc of the world.... just things white queers cannot ever understand or relate to or experience

also I get along far more with cishet woc than with white lgbt’s, 1) bc woc are my priority no matter what, 2) bc white queers are racist and the lgbt community hates bi women, and 3) race is a more materially salient identity for me

for lgbt ppl of color we’re mostly immediately identified as not white whereas an lgbt identity isn’t necessarily always visible, especially for those of us in the closet

I have a south asian Christian lesbian friend who stopped going to church. I have a Yemeni Muslim lesbian friend who wouldn’t be immediately identified as butch bc she wears a hijab.

NONE of us have some easily accessible IRL uwu happy fun time lgbt circle; we’re now in positions as adults who can make and do have lgbt friends and even communities to participate in

but considerations of family and safety continue to interfere. For example I have not told my family about my gf and I probably never will.

So maybe it’s easy for you white queers to find a nice settled little lgbt community or friend group of your own but real life doesn’t work that way for most people.

And I mean I could go on and on. Bisexual specific experiences are hardly illuminated on twitter but for instance bisexuals tend to be more closeted in comparison to other lgbt subsets, are more geographically isolated from each other, and are less likely to seek

help or resources from lgbt specific organizations (eg bi women in abusive rltnshps tend to get help from non lgbt shelters, bi ppl struggling w addiction tend to get help from non lgbt sources)

just consider regional specificity and class. Those r huge material factors that dictate yr queer subjectivity. If you live in a state where you could get fired for being lgbt with no legal recourse, r u going to be as gung ho about being cool and into mainstream lgbt culture?

discourse framed around western queer politics and predominately dictated by and through an online white gaze is not the only form of lgbt thought & experience; acting as such is explicitly reactionary, pls stop being simps for ethno-nationalism or western exceptionalism