Guys, there is a distinction between “X is racist”, “X didn’t know about Chinese convention and got upset and defensive when you called them racist.” For clarification, no, Chinese women don’t change their names, husband’s surname is only in used in titles.

After marrying into Jin sect, JYL is still Jiang Yanli. She would never become Jin Yanli. But others might refer to her interchangeably as Madam Jiang or Madam Jin. Both are acceptable and correct, but you might recommend usage of one over the other depending on context.

(1) When do you use Madam Jiang and when do you use Madam Jin?

(a) You met JYL through JZX and don’t know her surname

Say JZX is your boss in a modern setting and he brings JYL to a function. You would call her 金太太 (Mdm Jin) bc you don’t know her surname, so this reads as “Mr Jin’s wife”. If you’re a waiter and JZX makes a reservation, likewise you’ll call JYL Mdm Jin.

(b) You didn’t meet JYL through JZX

Say JYL is your boss. She signs off as JYL in an email. You would call her Mdm Jiang.

(c) She later mentions her husband’s name in passing

Don’t switch to Mdm Jin all of a sudden. Esp in modern times, that’s kinda rude. Use Mdm Jiang.

(d) You met JYL thru JZX but learn her maiden name later

You might switch to Mdm Jin ESP if you’re now dealing with only her, and not her and her husband as a pair. If you’re say a waiter and the pair are regular customers who come TOGETHER, you’ll probs still call her Mdm Jin.

(2) Different types of “Madam”

In English there is only one Mdm, but in Chinese, there are different terms of address that all translate to Mdm. The ones I see commonly are: 女士, 夫人, and 太太. They are used differently and in different settings.