parasocial relationships stress me out sm n i feel like social media as its come to be now heavily facilitates them

i am a "fan" of various artists, some have more or less of an online presence, but i try not to let it get weird on my end. n if somehow one became a mutual friendship, like. idk. still try not to be creepy abt the fact that i know a lot more abt them or at least their public-

presence than they do me

idk i feel like in part i want to get off the internet n be an Outsider Artist that doesnt tweet bc, i dont want to be subject of a parasocial relationship. i've had relationships where just the other person idolized me way too hard n like i got ptsd from that shit lol

idk. having an online presence feels like a requirement to survive, especially since covid cancelled all my irl events. but it feels like customer service again. i dont want a major online presence. im too unstable n not... careful enough for that especially-

since i hang around lefty circles that r full of people with poorly managed trauma misfiring in attempt to "keep people safe" or w/e. idk. i hate feeling obligated to perform this sort of song n dance. emotional labor. idk. will probably delete this thread later