I mean this very gently to the people who use it, but the term "service top" can go die in a fire.

Either it means that the person topping doesn't really want to top, which means they're laboring along with this grueling task which isn't much fun.

Or, it means that they're doing a role for which they aren't intrinsically "suited" for, whatever that means. I'm sick of it.

I don't know why people use it. Is it because they feel that topping and bottoming isn't complicated enough? Or is it because they feel somehow like calling someone a service top makes them, I dunno, somehow lesser?

"Oh, wow, so-and-so gives up their own pleasure to top other so-and-so, but they're not a REAL top."

I don't get it. Someone in that situation is doing something they don't really want to do, for the sake of the other person? And that's something that's being talked down?

I first learned the term "service top" in a kinky context, where topping and bottoming has a more, hm... let's say regimented system. Depending on the activity, the top calls the shots and the bottom takes the shots, however the shots are arranged.

In this context, "service top" was used to denote someone who did an activity that the bottom really wanted, but who didn't take as much pleasure in doing the activity as they took in the bottom's enjoyment of the activity.

This is a false dichotomy.

Do I hit someone who doesn't enjoy being hit? No.

That's very simple, let me break it open.

In a play context, I go up to someone and say, "Hey, you wanted to play? What do you like? I'm up to do impact, fire, fucking, fisting, you've seen some of my tricks."

"Impact! But I have [CONDITIONS]."

I agree to those conditions and we chat a bit more.

I now know what they like, what I like, and what my toolset is.

I then endeavor to build a scene where I, the top, make her, the bottom, feel good while doing something I enjoy.

But wait! I'm doing a thing that she likes. Am I a "service top?!?!"

After all, I'm not doing ALL of the things I like to do. I would like to use a whip, but she doesn't like stingy sensations. I would like to punch her, but she has sciatica and struck that off the list.

Now, think of sex.

I'm fucking someone. I'm not getting genital feedback, so my enjoyment is coming from the sight/smell/taste/touch/sound gestalt of railing someone until she comes on my cock.

Am I a service top here? After all, she's loving it, and I'm loving her responses.

The answer to this question is why I hate the term service top. By technicalities, you could say, "Why, Smug, you are a service top!" like it means something.

But it doesn't mean anything. It's just a throwaway attempt to alter how I and others see something much more complex.

Toss it in the fire.