i’m horribly depressed once again

actually i think i’ve been horribly depressed for a while but just pretending like everything is ok

i’m doing this whole charade of “hey look guys, i’m ok! no need to increase my dosage! no need to talk about my feelings!” when in reality i just want to cease existing

it’s not even the quarantine that’s bumming me out like it is for so many others - i’m mostly depressed because i feel so totally alone - even online

i don’t talk to my online friends because they don’t talk to me. ive receded inwards and have been selfishly waiting for them to pick up my slack and start taking the initiative on social interaction

even now, i’m shouting into the void and vainly hoping that one of my friends will stumble across this thread and decide to talk to me when i know full well that’s not what’s going to happen

in actuality i’m going to tweet this thread, gorge myself on food, go to bed (without doing any of my online assignments for school btw) and wake up at around 5pm to do it all over again

i’m getting fat, i’m failing my classes, i’m losing my friends, and i have nothing to show for it

so that’s my little self-centred rant about how awful my life is when there are at the same time people dying of a national pandemic

oh woe is me in my ivory tower whole the peasants in the slums below suffer and die. grow the fuck up, redd you piece of shit