Read on Twitter
600 plus followers and I often feel like I& #39;m screaming into the void, though sometimes I like that. Don& #39;t get a lot of interaction bar arguments, quixotically getting one on me, and trying to be comforting. I don& #39;t know if I matter to my "followers" or am just an exhibit.
These musings feel taboo or iffy self indulgence. But I don& #39;t know if that& #39;s just me, I think I would comfort people who felt like that. Might actually have done so. That was genuine. I& #39;m probably intimidating in a not so good but slightly fluffier than average way!? Ha.
Presumably I would like to think so!? But I don& #39;t know. Also I don& #39;t like the whole way it feels like everyone is a would be cult leader 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đŹ" title="Grimacing face" aria-label="Emoji: Grimacing face"> https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ" title="Winking face" aria-label="Emoji: Winking face"> but there& #39;s an aggrandisement to the idea of followers which I don& #39;t like. The aggrandisement of personality, some pundit might say.
The cult of personality; such definitely has been unfairly bewailed.
Maybe it& #39;s not unfairly. I don& #39;t know. I just think it& #39;s a bit cheap, hypocrisy, to make coin promoting your ideas and self as a commentator WHILST decrying influencers and the selfish narcissism of an entire generation, media, social sphere. Not to say there are no problems.
I& #39;ve got a sucky migraine from too much sleep and possibly dehydration. I& #39;m not drunk that& #39;s for sure. Though I may seem like it.
And here I am social mess that I am backbiting and the commentary I& #39;m probably aping here and should admit I enjoy. The worse fear is I& #39;m just the kind of train wreck people enjoy. Though sometimes I think ppl nicely enjoy without interacting. Maybe a fear of exposure in play too
I& #39;m happy if I& #39;m helping or heartening people. But I often feel lonely and sad https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đą" title="Crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Crying face">. It often translates into half repressed jealousy and hurt looking at people who get more active threads of comforters, even if not getting much happier. FB comfort or otherwise goes thru phases.
Train wreck or sinking boat that might pull you in, event horizon, as if McArthyist era& #39;s horror from threat of contagion to some extent. The taint of witchcraft. Unpredictable, wild torturous somewhat liminal. More than you want to get into. To risk. Just a weather eye follow!?
To be fair I retweet a lot of interesting stuff from a wide array of sources. I think it& #39;s the basis for a lot of follows.
Getting hot and sweaty now. Not in any saucy manner. Migraine and nausea not as intense though I didn& #39;t do sensible self care stuff. Water, paracetamol. I probably will in a minute.
I am looking at my phone sideways, tapping at it glumly. In the dark. Under my duvet in bed. Husband has just been to the loo but I think he& #39;s asleep now. I wanted to be asleep. Felt sleepy before. But also ill. Can you get COVID19 twice!?
Of course I was not certain if I had it the first time.
I am such a dingbat. Or something. What does it mean? More intrusive thoughts, automatic self depreciation. I hate the puzzle piece logo. Heard that musing far too often growing up from decent teachers too. Why is life so complicated!?
This thread is obviously some kind of art piece and revelling in this complexity such as it is. So what. It is not like hypocrisy is not conformist.
