tw misgendering //

i am in constant pain knowing i‘m stuck in a life where i’ll always have to understand that i won’t be fully seen for my gender, which will be reflected in how people refer to me.

often i think i’m angry about it, but i know that’s just how i mask the hurt.

today i had a breakdown after the build up of being misgendered from a certain group got to me. i KNOW these people are well-intentioned and this is just new to them; they are truly trying.

but intent doesn’t equal impact, and the impact of this is me constantly feeling gutted.

in my life, i will never know when and where it’s safe for me to come out as who i am, and then i’ll have the added problem of dealing with people misgendering me even after i come out.

i am in pain all the time.

sometimes it‘s more obvious - like today, when i had a complete breakdown.

but every single time i get misgendered, it feels like another stab wound.

and it terrifies, frustrates, and hurts me to my very core that this will always be my reality.