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Look, I know I& #39;m someone who talks about sex on the internet and who some folks read as a woman, that does not mean I want to talk to strangers on WhatsApp about their sex lives. I know I& #39;m slutty and very non-monogamous, that doesn& #39;t mean I want random folks rolling into my DMs.
The thing is, in non-pandemic times it& #39;s not actually that hard to get into my pants. However, assuming that I have the time and desire to talk with you, random stranger on the internet, because you want into my pants will almost certainly lock you out of said pants.
If you found me on social media, start a conversation with me there. Interact with my tweets or posts, ask questions, take some time with it! Then, after we& #39;ve had some actual interactions, then you can try to talk to me privately and respectfully. What makes that work?
Make a clear statement of interest that isn& #39;t about explicit acts. Even better if this is phrased as a non-pressuring, fairly open question (e.g. Would you maybe be into playing some time?). Give a clear out (e.g. Totally cool if you& #39;re not into it).
If I say a no to something or that I don& #39;t want something, listen! Don& #39;t do the thing! Don& #39;t ask for the thing again! Don& #39;t pressure me to do the thing! Responding with an easy "Cool! Totally get it" when I say no to something greatly increases your answer of a future yes
Don& #39;t try to neg me! This approach is guaranteed to not work with me and tells me that you& #39;re someone who& #39;s going to try to tear me down and charge past my wants, desires, and boundaries. I don& #39;t want to have any kind of discussion or interaction with that kind of person
Don& #39;t just send a "hi". Wtf do you think is going to happen there? I& #39;m already getting 4x as many messages as I can handle on any given day, your context free greeting is guaranteed to fall to the permanent bottom of the pile. If you don& #39;t have something interesting to say . . .
Don& #39;t call me a lady or a girl or a woman. I& #39;m non-binary and have a complicated relationship with those labels, and your assumption I& #39;m cisgender shows me that you& #39;ve done zero actual work in learning anything about me. I talk very openly about my gender all over the internet.
Don& #39;t emphasize how "pretty" or "beautiful" or "attractive" you think I am. Those words are empty and easy to throw at millions of people in copy pasta DMs. If you want to compliment me, compliment something I chose and be specific to me.
And like, honestly, I want to meet new people to play with (someday)! I& #39;ve hooked up with at least 2 people who slid into my DMs the right way! Possibly more, I can just remember two of them without much work. And, honestly, most of this advice just boils down to something simple
Treat me like a person. A full, complex, messy person. Not just a nice rack, fat ass, and genitals. I can tell when you& #39;re trying to talk to my vagina and don& #39;t give a shit about anything attached to it. If that& #39;s really all you care about, I don& #39;t want to hear from you
Thread inspired by the 3 (3!) cis dudes who have tried to slide into my DMs or WhatsApp *today.* Be better.