I cried leaving work today. For so, so many reasons. The loss of normalcy. The imposter syndrome being the only nurse in the room during an intubation and doubting my knowledge and experience. My PAPR tubing popping off too many times to count. My nose hurting. 1/x

Being sweaty & smelly. Not being able to have daily hugs from my unit secretary. Walking into a KNOWN CV+ room and wondering if my mask is now too worn to actually protect me. Not being able to drink enough water or just grab a snack because I don’t want to contaminate myself 2/x

The isolation because I feel I have to protect others & not go to a store.... and feeling guilty if I do go to a store, but only able to go every few weekends when both my husband and I are home. Having to yell into the “abyss” for help... 3/x

....because honestly my coworkers aren’t the best at answering call bells. Everything that is on my head all day.... surg cap, headband w buttons to hold my surgical mask which has an N95 underneath, goggles, face shield. The stupid fucking plastic gowns. 4/x

The fact that everyone else is gowned up and in their rooms so it’s a circus of trying to find the ONE person who can run for us all. Wondering if I’ll bring this home to my son or my husband. Wondering if I’ll even make it to the other side. 5/x

Walking out to the garage with a local fire truck hanging & sign that says we’re they’re heroes & running their lights & sirens, but feeling like I am no hero at all, I’m just as scared and unsure as anyone else. 6/6