Maybe I need to tweet summaries of what I *actually* learned from the Bible.

Example.

What I actually learned from Job:

Making HOURS of unhelpful commentary when someone is suffering but doing nothing to improve their material condition is deeply Biblical.

What I actually learned from the Bible.

Genesis:

In Romans, St Paul wrote “Who has known the mind of the Lord?” meaning we can’t understand God’s motivation.

But based on Genesis? The Lord doesn’t have the faintest clue how to anticipate and plan for human motivation either.

What I actually learned from Exodus:

God could have convinced pharaoh to free the slaves at any time but waited 430 years for... reasons?

Israelites wander in the desert eating quail poop for 40 years because God literally cannot plan ahead to save his kid’s life.

What I actually learned from Leviticus:

God cannot be bothered to spill a drop of ink condemning rape, but will spend 18 days talking about how much he loves the smell of burning meat.

Interesting side note: God is definitely not a capitalist, condemns resource hoarding.

What I actually learned from Numbers:

God once again proves his complete inability to anticipate human behavior, throws fits and starts murdering when his humans understandably get tired of living in poverty in the desert.

Would rather speak through a donkey than a woman.

What I actually learned from Deuteronomy:

God will spend an entire book talking about all the ways he cannot wait bust you in your shit the moment you stop being obsessed with him.

God doesn’t want to hurt you but if you don’t listen and obey he doesn’t have a choice