Welcome to another therapist thoughts during the pandemic thread! I wanted to talk about a couple of other things I've seen come up over the last week or two. I don't claim to have the answers for you, but I can give you some questions to think about to find your own answers.

Theme 7(?): Trauma history

I've noticed a surge in folks with histories of trauma, especially those with long standing trauma stuff, seeking out therapy right now. In some ways, this makes a lot of sense. New trauma tends to bring our old trauma to the surface.

That's especially true for trauma we haven't processed yet. Unprocessed trauma is like a broken bone that didn't heal properly. New traumas put pressure on that area, aggravating the old, poorly healed injury. The thing about a badly healed bone is that the healing sucks

You have to re-break that bone, re-open that trauma, in order to heal it. Now there are lots of ways to do that, which have various amounts of pain involved and which vary in their success rates. But none of them are painless. They all require a fair amount of hard work.

And, let's be real, there are some good times for orthopedic surgery and some bad times for it. Getting orthopedic surgery in the middle of running a marathon probably isn't an awesome idea. Similarly, opening up your old wounds in the middle of a global trauma? Tread carefully

Doing trauma work always requires a fair amount of resources and support around you. Healing is SO HARD in isolation. So if you're feeling drawn to processing your trauma now, ask yourself what your situation looks like. How well resourced are you wrt money/time/social support?

How stable is your housing and food supply? If something goes really wrong, do you have the supports you would need to be able to bounce back? Have you ever struggled with disordered eating or thoughts of self harm? What would you do if those came up now?

This isn't to say that no one can do trauma work right now, it's to say that we are all generally less resourced right now than we were before the pandemic, and trauma work is highly resource intensive. Be sure you are well resourced before you dive in.

Also, doing trauma work over video chat is VERY DIFFERENT than doing it with someone physically in the same room. Human bodies, as social animals, attune to each other. Having a therapist present who's holding the calm center while you're facing trauma helps immensely.

I've done trauma therapy with folks over video chat before, but they were clients I was seeing in person at least some of the time. Most therapists aren't doing in-person sessions right now for obvious reasons, so this kind of somatic anchor isn't available.

If someone wanted to work on trauma with me right now, I would want to focus first on developing a really really strong therapeutic relationship and on building up resources and supports for the client in all aspects of their current situation.

Even then, I'm not sure I would feel good about diving into trauma therapy right now. Partly because I know that I'm not as well resourced as I used to be, and holding that calm center for someone takes more out of me right now as well.

And maybe that's something that all of us therapists need to be talking about more - many of us aren't at our best. I was in a support group for care providers yesterday and we all shared this struggle. We talked about challenging our own expectations of what we can do right now

I usually aim to be an A+ therapist for my clients. Right now I'm probably getting a low B or high C. And even that much is draining me to the point where I struggle to do much more than just see the clients I have each week.

So, during this time when the vast majority of us are not at our best, think very carefully about what boxes you decide to open. Think about what you will do if the reality of it is harder than you expected, and determine what you would need to open it up as safely as possible

Theme 8ish: I'm falling apart/numb/angry all the time

Each of us responds differently to traumatic events and to prolonged stress. When tired, hungry, lonely, or in physical pain, our emotions can become much more overwhelming much more quickly. What happens when the dam breaks?

Some people cry, some scream, some suddenly feel nothing. Some even laugh! After that dam breaks, it takes time for us to repair it. However, right now, most of us are getting hitting with new waves before we can rebuild and repair. Right now, you might be feeling that fragility

We haven't had a break from this, really, for a month or more. That's a LONG TIME. Even more, we don't know when social distancing or the threat of deadly illness will end. A month? A year? Longer? That uncertainty can make rebuilding the dam even harder.

So if you're finding that it's easier for your feelings to overflow, that's normal right now. We're in the middle of a tunnel of indeterminate length and there is no going back the direction we entered. You deserve to have the space to have those feelings, even if they're messy

You also deserve people in your life who can hold space for that mess and find a way to give you love and caring even if they're not fully resourced themselves. That's a hard thing to do, both to allow the feelings and to find the strength to hold space when you're struggling.

Ask yourself who you can turn to for support and write a list. Think of as many people as you can, since any one person may not have the bandwidth when you need it. Also, take some time to figure out what you can do to shore up your dam even if you can't fully repair

What helps to feed your emotional resources? What support do you need to patch holes now if you can't completely fix them? What makes the cracks in your dam worse? Can you do less of those things? If you have to do them, how can you mitigate their harm?

How can you be mindful of the impact you're having on others when your dam does break? What can you do to repair those relationships if you've caused harm? How can you, or others, help reduce the negative impact you have on others when your dam breaks?

What do you need to reduce the impact on you of others' dams breaking? How can you address ways those close to you have hurt you when they've been overwhelmed? How do we balance grace for the realities of the struggles of those we care about with our own boundaries and needs?

What in your mind, body, heart, or spirit tells you that your dam is about to break? What tells you in those areas when you have lots of resources available? How can you remember to check in with yourself regularly to see where you're at and take protective/preventative action?

How can you let those around you know about what your dam looks like? When do you need to step back from helping and supporting others, and when can you step up? How can you step back in a way that is still caring and kind? How can you find internal grace for when you can't help?

Do you tend to over function or under function in a crisis? How can you find a balance between doing what needs to be done and making space for struggling and feeling? How can those who care about you help you with this balance? What are you afraid to ask for? Can you ask anyway?

Theme 9: Hopelessness

Lots of folx right now are struggling to find hope and joy. And, really, I get it. There's isolation and death and fear and uncertainty all around us. Even in the areas that have managed to flatten the curve, we still don't know what happens next.

When is the next time I'll be able to just go to @theperlene? When will I be able to go out dancing at a club again? When will I be able to see another human outside and not feel afraid of them even being near me? Will I ever feel okay kissing strangers again?

I was just at the edge of feeling like I was getting my life together, and now all of this. What does hope even mean when we're likely facing an economic collapse even when we can go outside again? What is hope when your government cares about companies far more than people?

For me, I'm trying to find small hopes to hold onto. I'm thinking about the way it'll feel to hug one of my Squadmates again, about the sound of a restaurant that's active but not too busy. I'm crossing my fingers that the conferences that are pending new dates will happen.

I'm dreaming about hotel beds, and trips to Everett House, and a picnic with fellow Perlenas. I'm lighting a candle with the wish for a birthday party with more attendees than just my partner and their housemates. None of these are huge dreams, but they're mine

I'm also trying to find whatever small moments of gratitude and joy I can each day. Whether it's something that made me laugh, or grocery delivery, or a video call with friends. Today, I'm super grateful for joggers, cuz they're the only pants worth wearing right now.

What can you find to hold onto? What dreams can give you hope right now? What can you feel grateful for? What could bring you joy, even if just for a minute? How do you find a balance between finding these hopes and being present to realities?