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Grateful for all the valuable lessons I've learned in regards to friendship from the painful ending of a friendship that I didn't see coming. Looking back, I can see the ways at which I wasn't being as good of a friend to them as I thought I was, simply bc I wasn't attending to +
their needs. I was being a good friend based off of what I believed being a good friend meant. On the terms of my own morals & values. I gave what I needed in the friendship & didn't realize that I was overlooking what being a good friend meant to them personally. I didn't +
realize that it was something that could be considered as subjective. It shocked me when they revealed all their hidden resentment they've had toward me throughout the course of our friendship. It also shocked me when they said I wasn't putting enough effort into the friendship.
I didn't understand how they could say that. But Iater I've came to realize that had I payed more attention to what they needed from me as their friend, instead of giving to them what +
I needed, then maybe they would've recognized my efforts. There was a lack of communication on their end & a lack of consideration on mine. What I need isn't what they need, so they weren't able to recognize my efforts. Our love languages differ & we have two entirely different +
definitions of what it means to be a good friend. Adjustments were def needed on both ends. I was just more tolerable of not having my needs met. While I was giving them too much benefit of the doubt, they were holding me accountable for not showing up for them in the ways at +
which they needed. As they should. Although, had they communicated where I was falling short, I would've made the adjustments needed bc the friendship was that important to me, rather they believe so ot not. Unfortunately, they've allowed the resentment to build until the +
point of them wanting nothing else to do with me. I was hurt. I felt that it was so unfair that I had given them the benefit of the doubt so many times just for them to not even consider the fact that I was oblivious to how they truly felt. Later on I realized that I had to +
hold myself accountable for overlooking the ways at which they were falling short on their end. They don't owe me anything for choosing to repeadtly give them the benefit of the doubt. I had to come into terms with the fact that they had every right to end the friendship bc +
they were unhappy within it. I had to realize that me accepting this doesn't mean I have to accept the way at which they went about it or take the blame for the entire situation going wrong. It doesn't mean that I can't still hold them accountable for their +
faults. My people pleasing tendencies had convinced me that if I just gave into whatever it is they wanted me to give into, then they'd consider working things out. Not only was that completely false but it was also not worth the self disrespect & humiliation. Again, I +
had to hold myself accountable for choosing to compromise my truth for the sake of trying to fix something with someone who already had their mind made to leave the situation in the first place. I def should've handled it better. I know that now. Again the ending of this +
friendship has really exposed some very unpleasant habits/tendencies that I have. & I will forever be grateful for that. That friendship was a blessing & I believe that it has served every purpose that it was meant to serve. Now, I apply all that I've learned to +
my friendships that are already established, friendships that are in the process of blossoming, & will apply to my future friendships as well. 
- Learning is pointless without application. Alright this thread is longer than I intended, as always lol. But I like sharing my +
- Learning is pointless without application. Alright this thread is longer than I intended, as always lol. But I like sharing my +
experiences so no regrets. 
if you read the whole thing, you are awesome & I appreciate you. 
if you read the whole thing, you are awesome & I appreciate you.
