so something i've been thinking about a lot especially this year is how exactly mental health conditions show up on your day-to-day moods. i've struggled with anxiety and depression pretty much consistently since i was 14/15, but that doesn't mean every day since 2014 has sucked

i've been tracking my mood daily since 2018, and to this day i get this strange imposter syndrome when i look at how many days i mark as good/happy days when i know i've been struggling the whole time. it's like, am i really hurt enough if i'm having so many "good" days?

i objectively know that that is BS and that mental illness is not a freaking competition. but when you're ill, you expect to consistently see the effect of it in front of you. so what makes it so that i have these good days? how do i dictate it in my mind?

does a good day mean i had less anxiety than normally? or does it mean i enjoyed myself despite what was going on in my head? do more good days mean i'm getting better or that i'm just doing nicer things while still struggling? how much weight does my mental health have on this?

there really isn't much of a point to this thread, i just think about this a lot and definitely don't have any answers to this. idk if this even makes any sense and i doubt anyone read this whole thing but if someone did then thanks for taking in my brain dump lmao