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Today marks the 2nd time that I’ve been completely sober for a year (man, did I pick a helluva time 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Rolling on the floor laughing" aria-label="Emoji: Rolling on the floor laughing">). While I really want to celebrate (https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🍻" title="Clinking beer mugs" aria-label="Emoji: Clinking beer mugs">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥂" title="Clinking glasses" aria-label="Emoji: Clinking glasses">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🍾" title="Bottle with popping cork" aria-label="Emoji: Bottle with popping cork">), I figure the healthiest thing I can do is share a short thread about this very personal topic:
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🧵" title="Thread" aria-label="Emoji: Thread">1/n
If you follow me, I don’t normally talk about this sort of personal stuff, but I think it’s important to speak up as an example for others. So much of our social culture (esp. military & DC) is tied to alcohol. It can make not drinking seem emasculating or even like failing.
I did a sober year once previously as part of my struggle with alcohol. Apr ‘14 - Apr ‘15. I was still in the military, but starting my MBA. B school has its own drinking culture & my connection to my classmates was definitely impacted. More on that later.
After that year, I tried to slowly let alcohol back into my life, but unsurprisingly the same issues soon returned. Eventually, I was drinking daily & getting drunk unexpectedly again. I couldn’t trust myself as a parent or husband.
I have always been able to go dry for periods & that gave me a false sense of control. Alcoholism & addiction are very heavy labels. If you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, you know it. You drink alone or to excess. If this is you, I have some thoughts to share.
1) Start taking it seriously. Addiction is like a river inside you that can flood. So long as it’s flowing, it can surge & flood again. What damage will that next one cause? Your luck will run out eventually & the consequences are far worse than not drinking.
2) This seems hard but is actually just an aggregate of many small things. Make a decision, take small steps, rest, & never give up. The decision to drink is a small one & you’re sober every time. Just hold on a little longer.
3) Know that you’re not alone. There are a surprisingly high number of people who don’t drink for various reasons. We don’t stand out, but maybe we should stop trying to blend in. This thread is an attempt at that.
4) The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it’s connection. Fill your life w/ people who love you for who you are when you’re sober. I drank the most when I was single & I am most comfortable now as a father & husband. I wish I had recognized my true friends in my 20’s.
5) You’ll be surprised by how few people actually judge you for not drinking & those people don’t matter. Have conversations with your close friends - they either don’t care or will quickly show their true selves.
6) If you’re struggling w/ this, talk to someone. Opening up to others builds the connections & love you need to get through it. Reach out to me. I’ve struggled to find a group that felt comfortable, but I keep trying.
7) I have found writing about my struggle helpful. I have a collection of notes on my phone with thoughts, descriptions of events, and even lists of negative experiences. Being honest was hard, but those have been most useful in dark periods.
Lastly, diversity & inclusion mean recognizing differences & creating space for everyone to feel welcome & safe as their authentic selves. I often (unnecessarily) hide my abstinence. If you’ve read this far, pls consider how you can make room for people w/ substance issues.
I’m about to press [tweet all] & need to admit my intense apprehension. I’m still early in my own journey & I truly hope that these imperfect words resonate to people who struggle (& those who don’t). I, too, still work to accept the path I’m on.
1 day at a time.
Fin.
1 day at a time.
Fin.
