Thread by @lijitimate, The Time I Fell At TVJ: My First Ever TV Audition. A [...]

The Time I Fell At TVJ: My First Ever TV Audition. A Thread.

So one evening, summer 2015, I got a text message saying there was an audition/screening to be held for a new TV Show and that I should show up on the Saturday. Done did a fail school and seh ahh, need a reason to take a leave of absence (

) cause this GPA needed a GPS okay? Ok.

So naturally, the first thing i thought about was? An outfit. I did already on a high cause i been a hosting a likkle radio show for a year and so without much thought I start look. However, funds did low and range denied. Ntn bout the clothes dem

For the next 3 days (something about me, I practice ALOT, wish i was that consistent in other aspects)I practiced my intro, polish the media voice, gone look pon Aunty Fae homework dem & practice every schwa and intonations throw weh every unnecessary H and fix every word endings

Day come now and a leff from Portmore. Suh mi leff well early, trim check, one bow leg check, teets clean, outfit .. trash. Have on a police looking shirt and a tight khaki pants. But yk, we do it with confidence. Suh mi and mi granmother n bredda dem walk guh bus stop

Reach a HWT now, everything seamless and a guh through, have two hours till start time, but then i remember i never know which bus to take to Lyndhurst Rd, suh i flick out the celly and ring my grandma

Suh after explaining seh mi lost, she gimme directions and mi seh “ah say less”, she seh devil a fight gense me and a confuse me but the show is still mine in Jesus name. Mi seh yes grandma Lost but not a loser. Praise Him.

Reach on the bus now, over the left .. pastor a preach, over the right, man renk, up above, arm a kick, down below my kneee dem start knock. Lij nervous now.

But, mi have a style weh mi love ask miself if mi a eediot suh mi gwaan hold it and two two’s ketch mi cool again.

Time fi come off the bus now and inna my mind, mi seh “Mighdy God this is it, dead dem dead now”. Inna mi lights out mode, everybody a pree me a guh through the aisle:

Same time, mi look through the glass and see two bleach out face yute a waltz come up the road, you know the likkle walk, the one with the hand swing behind dem. Mi seh “Fada God, as mi step out dem aguh rob me enuh

. This doesnt sit well with my spirit.”

Them:

Cold sweat a wash me now, cause mi seh “Well, granny done tell me a thing”. So mi play it off cool and nuh do a thing but do one a dem hop off, run walk, all run sneakers on the steps like water. You know the walk i talking bout.

People. At 12:47pm mi just feel the bowleg miss and that’s when I knew seh a dead mi bout fi dead. Slow det too.

Fi bout 3 seconds mi mid air, life flash before me, even the likkle GPA ... and a suh mi spread pon the sidewalk infront of TVJ

See Blinky, Peter, Moses, Mary and everybody. Mi nuh fully conscious but mi just hear a voice seh “Bl**#%%^, puppa yuh dead?” People from the bus start scream cause them swear House of Tranquility eat a food this afternoon.

Same time everybody a try get me up, but mi just naah move. Suddenly mi jump up “It is I”

. Cause God know a couldn’t me drop, “a the drop, me.” I refuse to believe it.

While dem a work pon who drop pon the sidewalk, me know me gone inna TVJ guh call my mother cause foot bruk ya now.

Seh mommy, mi give up mi a come home, my foot mash up and mi cyaa guh inna the show. Dem time ya, mi dutty asf now. She goes “Yuh try guh in deh enuh, yuh reach suh far and mek bruk foot a hold yuh back? Hop go een”

Suh mi guh in now and a try brush off the dirt, couldnt brush off suh mi just gwaan watch people inna the auditions: (this was the actual audition)

Suh a my turn now & mi a talk & a gwaan, till all the producer seh “yea man TV a your ting, we def calling you back”. Mi seh yes jah jah, TV star now. I’m ready for the lifestyle.

Everyday mi call the people dem under fake voice fi hear if the show make a choice yet, and they said two women and two men were shortlisted, I said “oh yes it’s got to be me”.

This was the last update we got in 2015 on Facebook: I guess they’re still waiting on us to guess. The end.

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