Realised it's easier for me to pay attention in class if I'm doodling.

Sorry I'm being so annoying with the name thing??? It really took me months to accept I wanted to do it, to be comfortable with it and to actually be able to make it public. I'm so happy with it, I feel so _me_ yknow. Like I found something what was missing.

Being in the closet also makes me want to scream it out loud, to be able to say it out loud but I. Can't.
I am lucky I have a nickname almost everyone calls me by and that allows me to scape my dead name in a bunch of situations.

But obviously I still have to hear it in a clot of situations and constantly remind myself to respond to that and it honestly sounds so weird to hear someone say it towards me??? Like jsjcka WHO?

While I was doing this drawing and participating in my class someone said "like [dead name] was saying" and I PHYSICALLY CRINGED (It was weirder bc most of my classmates including him always call me Melo but since this teacher doesn't know us she wouldn't know who Melo was)

But yeah it triggered me so hard I added the name bc it gives me hope and reminds me I can keep working hard and one day goddammit that's going to be my legal name and its over for you bitches (jk) but yeah mute me now bc this is all I'm going to talk a bout for the next month.

What it's funny about this name is that normally you wouldn't put them together lmao they sound weird even ugly together but as I told a friend while we were talking about it "it's that kind of name combination that makes you think damn your parents must hate you"

Which adds so much realness to it? Or at least I feel it like that

Also yes, my best friend's name is Valentina. Yes, I did make a joke about us being the same person with different eye colors some days ago. No, it was not intentional. Yes, if you laugh I will punch you.

The amount of typos in this thread is the strongest character signature I have.