This social distancing/quarantine life has made me realize something - many adoptive parents have done exactly this for an extended period of time (granted, without a deadly virus wrecking lives, the economy, etc). Here are some ways those experiences have been similar.

1. When you adopt a child, that child is coming from a place of deep trauma. Every child is different, but they have all faced immense difficulty, typically more than anyone in your circle. And you take on that trauma. All of a sudden, that trauma is there and part of your life.

2. When we adopted our girls, they needed consistency more than anything. Introducing them to new things/people often caused them to spiral. So we did our own social distancing. Saying “no” automatically to requests for our time for nearly a year. Socially isolating.

3. Due to that, we didn’t go out often. And we didn’t leave them with a family member/sitter for over 6 months. I remember the first time we went out without them (dinner on Market Square), “This is a different world. This is how the other side lives.” It was a surreal.

4. Because of trauma/attachment issues/confidentiality/etc, you’re on your own in a lot of ways when it comes to parenting, schooling, etc. No one in our circle had a clue how to relate to our kids, for example. It was very isolating.

5. All this to say - check on your friends with adopted/foster kids! They are high need. Those parents often take on those burdens alone. That is even more true now.

In summation: You’ve got sudden trauma that is now part of every fabric of your life. Intense isolation and distancing. Everything is harder than it was. And often only yourself or a very small circle for support.

6. You realize how fortunate you are/how little you control. None of these kids did anything to deserve losing their family. Like no one chose to get sick from this virus. Many of us have great families & didn’t do anything to be born into those and the subsequent blessings.