I’m feeling some kind of way about all the sudden invites to Zoom, WhatsApp groups and other forms of online socialising, from people who have known me for years, knew I couldn’t go out much, but have never reached out to include me. Just because they’re stuck in the house now.

Some people might think I’m salty, I’m not. I have lived through a serious illness, and watched all my many dear friends stop calling overnight. I cannot describe the disconnect, the betrayal, the loneliness of being rejected, the life on the margins, the invisibility.

The utter disinterest in me as a human being from people who were in my house every week, whose kids I watched grow up. “When you are better we’ll all go out“ well it’s been 10 years and I’m still not as well as I’d need to be to resume relationships as they were before.

The think with 10 years is, it’s an awfully long time. The daughter of a friend who I last saw when she was 8, is now graduating high school. So much life happened and they didn’t feel the need to share any of it with me. Meanwhile, I’ve grown as a person. I’ve written a book

Have my own photography gallery. I’ve gotten involved in women’s rights and medical ethics activism and have had the privilege of gaining a whopping 6 thousand followers on twitter. I have a new dog, a new house, several new skills. I am an accomplished gardener,

I’m still the same person they once knew and loved, albeit with a richer life experience. So if I join their WhatsApp groups now, and the the pandemic is over and what happens then? Abandoned the second time? I don’t think I could stand it. Decline invitation..