its interesting how since I posted *that* thread I had a mixture of people with different political beliefs either DM me, call me (if they have my number) or post their own threads in agreement. It actually didn't matter about where they clashed on other things, it's *victims* 1/

& how they are often shut out of the conversation if they are not the 'perfect' victim. Some of those people I know have experienced that narrative themselves - of being imperfect victims - and that thread is one that can cross lines, lockdowns, geography, identity & belief. 2/

Many people have experienced that moment of feeling themselves, as someone else beautifully wrote, 'be turned into dust to grow back into pure bitch diamond', others to regrow, others to heal, others to find out how they survive in a world where the map changed completely. 3/

I follow many women who are survivors of their own stories, some I do not always agree with, but the thread is always the same. You are difficult. You are imperfect. It was your fault. You are a liar. The narrative never changes, only the speakers do. 4/

I wrote this - well, novel, where I spoke about running from the teenage me who would hate the woman she saw today.

In some ways I wonder if there was always this part of me that was subconsciously still trying to rescue the 19-21yo me. 5/

Shortly after I left uni I got this really good job. Part of it involved working in a dynamic environment with DV victims. And every so often I'd be upset, frustrated, why can't we do this? Why can't we do more? You're limited by this. I hadn't been DXed with PTSD yet. 6/

I still didn't want to process what happened to me. I was still very much in the mentality of "let's just run away from everything". And one manager said "[DL] you can't rescue the world" which felt, at the time, like ramming a knife in my heart. 7/

That wasn't what I was trying to do. I was just good at my job. I just cared. That was bullshit.

And then maybe...

I could look at r'ships I got into where I always ended up with idiots over genuinely really nice women. Because I could 'rescue' them. 8/

Dysfunctional beyond belief? That's fine, I can fix that. I can RESCUE you.

When you work in these fields you're told there's a difference between sympathy & empathy. The latter is throwing a life jacket from shore, the former is wading in & you both drown. 9/

And I would always be the friend who people would come to for advice because I could say these things & deep down I KNEW these things, but if you put me in the situation - I would still find myself running out to the shorelines with my fucking clothes and shoes still on. 10/

When I was diagnosed it helped with the trauma and processing, but in reality, I think that every time I run out to the shore I still expect to see a 20yo me in the water.

I think a lot of survivors have moments of that, whether or not they know it. 11/

What I think the hardest thing to process is that by not running out to that fucking shore, you aren't letting that 20yo drown. I think survivors are very good at mouthing "it's too late for me" but what comes from the chest, hard, is "never to anyone else". 12/

I suspect a lot of it comes down to how you mentally process & heal from knowing the 20yo is still on the shore with you. I think it's how you do that without resorting to clichés, or blaming yourself, but simply showing her that kindness. 13/

I talk v metaphorically on these things but I suspect there's an aspect of ptsd that makes it easier to compartmentalise 'that is her'. And I don't think that is healthy because she is me, and it's how you reconcile that trauma. I think, again, it's that thread. 14/

The theme of the imperfect victim in sexual assault/rape discussion is perhaps v topical (naming no names). When people spoke of 'believe women' they were talking, again, of the culture that you see where victims are an inconvenience & therefore discarded. 15/

It was meant to be about how, in parts of the world, rape kits go untested & sit for years in police shelves. If you even get a test.

It was meant to be about how victims feel cross examined upon disclosure.

It was meant to be about how conviction is low. 17/

It was meant to be about how you will still hesitate upon disclosure. You will be still treated like shit. People think nothing of taking screenshots of your disclosure to mock, call you a liar, use it for their own twisted ends.
18/

It was meant to be about how you will still be made to feel as garbage. Still as dehumanised.

It is telling, that across the spectrum, it is these imperfect people who actually truly & genuinely care about the rights of victims - not petty bullshit to point score. 19/

As I said, I follow some women I don't agree with. I don't see their political views. I see survivors who are clearly traumatised.

I meant every word of what I said: I pity the misery of an existence that has lost their humanity to prioritise the rights of victims. 20/

I likely do have a strong rescue trait under my bullshit. "I don't want you to experience what I went through! Bad! Bad! BAD!" that's my shit tbh.

However, if you have fallen so far that you have chosen rape apologism - nah. No one can rescue you. 21/

In the survivors community they sometimes speak of moving from victim to survivor to thriver. I know what happened to me. I can talk about it & accept it. I survived it. I suspect many swing between survivor & thriver.

Someone also said something v honest. 22/

"don't even interact with these dickheads". Most of them are blocked anyway.

I found out from a friend after she said women can be rapists and laughed at Karen on the Bindel thread they started blocking her en masse. Sounds qwhite normal. 23/

Anyway.

Believe women.

You can just be a fucking dyke.

Support victims.

Rape apologism makes you scum.

And calling you what you are?

Addendum: it is worth noting that the most common tactic rape apologists have, regardless of age, sex/gender, political belief, sexual orientation et al - is to make victims relive their sexual trauma.

This is a pattern they all share. 1/1

I have said on numerous occasions I do not believe these people should be allowed to work with vulnerable members of the community and I stand by that. I do not believe rape apologists should be allowed any influence over vulnerable parties. 2/2

If you are involved with these people you are very much aware of their rape apologism. I find it difficult to understand how much you are willing to condone. It did not come this far for me to denounce these people.

Here are some common facts. 3/3

The Sexual Offences Act 2003 (2009 Scotland) defines 'rape' as a crime that is carried out by a party with a penis, forcing penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus without consent.

Sexual assault by penetration carries a similar tariff but 'penis' is not defined. 4/4

As always, rape apologists butcher their understanding of the law as the courts can, and often do, view the two crimes similarly in terms of sentencing tariffs anyway.

Socially speaking, you will NEVER find a therapist, doctor, or even police who correct victims speech. 5/5

In the case of the former, you may find they 'manage expectations' (in terms of criminal charges if they are levied) however a victim is allowed to speak as they wish.

Once again, you should never be allowed to work with vulnerable parties. Ever. 6/6

If we are going to stringently apply the letter of the law, rape in marriage did not exist in Scotland prior to 1989. This was weighted heavily on the institutional writings of David Hume. It was struck out in S v HMA [1989]. 7/7

Rape in marriage did not exist in England and Wales until 1991 (see R v R (1991)).

I would advise you to think very long and very hard about which hill you wish to die on. You are making the argument that rape in marriage did not exist prior to 1989. 8/8

I would expect that the LGB Alliance would have slightly better lawyers than this. I suppose not.

They are an embarrassment.

They have always been an embarrassment, and they will continue to be.

Rape apologism is not the hill you wish to die on. 9/9

Rape apologists never stop talking about the physical act of rape. It is designed to retraumatise the victim.

No one normal talks about the act to a victim. We know it is terrifying to them. We know the psychological damage.

To them, it is normal. 10/10

It is not normal to talk about rape & go on about penises or which sex act is justifiable to you. It is not normal to psychologically wear down a victim. You are a sick, abnormal freak if you do this to a victim. Any victim. 11/11

I do not care for your gender/sex, political ideology, sexual orientation, background or culture. If you feel the need to do this to a victim I pity you. If you are female and do this please know I am truly disgusted I share a common biology with you. 12/12

I have no need, no desire to have a woman who does this 'on my side' or 'fighting for my rights'. You are not. You are fighting for yours and I would like you to know that. I would like you to absorb that. I am not on anyone's 'team'. 13/13

In reflecting, I suspect the reason some women like @monaeltahawy have always made some of you angry is precisely because they will fight back. Because they do not agree with you, because they are not kind and they do not play nicely.

They survive. They are imperfect. 14/14

Imperfect victims are easy to go after.

Victims who will not take your shit are easy to go after.

The victims who are not easily marketable are easy to denounce.

lmao fuck the narrative. 15/15