Whatever that thing is, it's never worth it.

My dad passed away years back and it took me a while to process unresolved feelings about him but I eventually realised that in the bigger scheme of things, my bigger regret was not working through things with him.

It gave me a newfound appreciation for my relationship with my mom but also gets me a little mad at people doing the same mistakes I did

Before the internet "but" squad, jumps in, this is not referring to abuse, it's referring to the many other disagreements that we have with our parents which sometimes span years until they're dead. The things which could be resolved.

One of the biggest things I realised in retrospect was that in many ways I was having the same arguments with my dad that he had with his own dad.

In retrospect there were many demons he was dealing with which he would probably never resolve and it was on me to hold those things against him or to figure out how to work around them. It really is a choice in many cases, when you look at it backwards

I've fought with my mom a lot because I'm a radical hard head and she's a conservative Christian mom until I realised that if I really wanted a relationship with her, I needed to compromise. It just means being a slightly different person with her sometimes

It means not saying certain things that I know would annoy her, it means not being annoyed at her view on things, no matter how outdated/old fashioned I think they are, not being condescending at her and taking her as she is. As the mother who raised me.

You probably don't see it now but your kids might just view you as you view your parents and your arguments will be pretty similar even if they're different in form.

A lot of the arguments we have are mostly over pride and stubbornness, when you break it down

I had to realise that accommodating my mom wasn't changing who I was, because that's what it felt like, initially.

It was making a accommodation and sacrifices as my way of showing love and acceptance, the same way I would want it from her

It also doesn't cost you much more than pride to figure out how to love your parents as they are and to look at them as people with flaws, that you can't fix and that you have to accept as they are