When people talk about forgiveness, they often leave out that forgiveness is given at the behest of the injured party, and often should not arrive immediately. 1/

Moreover, you can accept an apology but not grant forgiveness. A forthright apology is mandatory and to be expected. But atonement requires a series of actionable decisions that demonstrate the realness of the apology. 2/

I think when people prematurely ask to grant forgiveness—and they’re typically not the injured party—it’s under this false sense of equality: The hope that when they’ve run afoul the same rights will be accorded to them. 3/

That they can move on with their lives without serious introspection. An “I’ve learned my lesson,” when they’ve only discovered what line not to cross but not discerned why the line exists. 4/

In any case, forgiveness is a thing. But it’s earned. The accounting toward forgiveness should be equal no matter race, gender, or sexuality, but rarely is. The only way to fix that is to understand that YOU as the uninjured party do not have the right to enact such action. 5/

And that by doing so prematurely, you’re aiding and abetting their previous indiscretions. 6/6