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A while back I discovered there was no mean thing anyone could tell me that I hadn't told myself. No one could hate me more than I hated myself. The shame I felt was more of being ashamed of myself (as much there were legit causes and pushers of the same).
I decided to flip the switch. I gave myself permission to live, approved of what I wanted to do and enjoyed life as it were before waiting to measure up to people's expectations. I loved myself. I set goals.
Previously, all I saw was my detractors. When you hate yourself, it's not easy to be loved or supported. Now I know who's for me. Most importantly, I don't wait for someone to roll with me for me to get going.
I've ended up attempting things I only imagined I could, agreeing with people I never thought I would and moving on from connections I held onto with dear life. I'm closer than ever to family and my social circle is freer than before. I'm free.
Today I'm grateful for the freedom to live and to be. It is truly a gift. It's offered freely in life but somehow has to be hard earned. So many, especially self-doubt and people-pleasing, will try to wrestle it from me but I won't give up so easily!
I can't pretend I'm here by my own effort. There are those who have loved me even when I didn't like myself, encouraged me when I doubted the most and stuck with me when it was unpopular to do so. Others have been mere experiences along the road. I'm grateful for all.
