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Making myself sad... Damian finally feels comfortable and confident enough to kiss Jon first, only for him to lean away... he recoils and his entire body burns with shame... Jon nervously laughs like he does before sharing something he knows he should, but doesn’t want to...
When Jon tells him he thinks they should stay friends, partners, a team— they’re better that way... Damian grits his teeth and won’t look at him. “Why?” is all he can say and all Jon gives him is a weak excuse... “I thought different... I tried... but I’m straight, Damian.”
Damian gets angry, asking how he could possibly claim to be straight after what they did, after what he gave him... Jon just shrugs and says he doesn’t like boys as much as he thought he did... Damian automatically assumes he did something wrong— he must have been bad at sex,
he must have been bad at intimacy, at dating... he must have messed up... he must not be attractive enough for Jon to want... He fumes with self hate; his appearance, his body, his gender... he‘d be a girl, if that meant they could still be together in this special way...
Damian doesn’t want to go back to the way things were. He doesn’t want to be his comrade anymore, his best friend he stays with more than his own house, who sleeps beside him and always slides his fingers through his hair before they drift off from whatever conversation they had
He wants this, but he did something unacceptable that is making Jon not only dislike Damian, but every person like him... Damian only knows he needs to hide his hurt, and bites that he’s stupid and shouldn’t have brought him into his exploration... he’s not gay either...
He stares at himself in the mirror, wondering what it is about him Jon doesn’t like... if it was his personality, that would be different... but Jon claims he only doesn’t like his body... his physical traits.. he didn’t used to think he was ugly, but he never looked this hard...
