Everybody keeps asking if I’ve watched Tiger King.

No. And I don’t want to. Lemme splain something.

I live in Alabama. Extremely rural Alabama. People here make meth for a hobby because they’re bored. And then feed it to squirrels (yes, really).

Every fifth person has a mullet and a Confeferate flag. In a town about 15 minutes away, the population is roughly 600 and there’s not a full set of teeth between them. Please see the attached photo that was taken in my hometown.

Natty Lite is the closest thing to fine wine you’ll get.

If 5 friends have trucks, at least three of them will have plastic ballsack accessories on the hitch.

Formal wear is anything with sleeves, and that’s only worn to church the three times a year they go. And funerals.

I see Tiger King every time I travel more than a mile from my house. I see it every day. I live it. Why would I want to watch it on tv?