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It& #39;s 2 a.m. and I really want to cry. Please ignore this. I beg you. Don& #39;t ask me about this because my night thoughts always suck and are irrational. I know that.
My mind works in ways that I can& #39;t explain.
Either its beauty dominates or its fears and the pain.
The ones I considered close don& #39;t understand.
They think I can control it like it& #39;s my hand.
If only they saw what they do to me.
Everytime they ask and ask and assume I& #39;m free.
Either its beauty dominates or its fears and the pain.
The ones I considered close don& #39;t understand.
They think I can control it like it& #39;s my hand.
If only they saw what they do to me.
Everytime they ask and ask and assume I& #39;m free.
Free to do whatever I want without a worry.
Free not to always feel the need to say sorry.
Excusing my affection and every little whine.
Always scared of crossing any obvious line.
I& #39;m irrational & I never know what& #39;s real.
Stop questioning it when I say I don& #39;t know how I feel.
Free not to always feel the need to say sorry.
Excusing my affection and every little whine.
Always scared of crossing any obvious line.
I& #39;m irrational & I never know what& #39;s real.
Stop questioning it when I say I don& #39;t know how I feel.
I wasn& #39;t born with it, maybe then I& #39;d know how to decide.
Do I tell them my thoughts or avoid another fight?
I& #39;m a fuck up, I will let you down and deserve this trepidation.
I get moments in which not one thought is safe.
When I just wanna talk but hide away in my cave.
Do I tell them my thoughts or avoid another fight?
I& #39;m a fuck up, I will let you down and deserve this trepidation.
I get moments in which not one thought is safe.
When I just wanna talk but hide away in my cave.
I annoy most of the people I know with my issues.
There she goes again, go, grab some tissues.
I haven& #39;t felt happy since December.
Happiness was once familiar but now I don& #39;t remember.
I& #39;m pathetic maybe I should do what I preach.
Always long for something I& #39;m not able to reach.
There she goes again, go, grab some tissues.
I haven& #39;t felt happy since December.
Happiness was once familiar but now I don& #39;t remember.
I& #39;m pathetic maybe I should do what I preach.
Always long for something I& #39;m not able to reach.
Feel so out of control and it& #39;s overflowing.
Fuck, all my doubts and fears are showing.
Thought I had them locked away from before.
I thought I promised myself I won& #39;t show them anymore.
I& #39;m not good with words, I need actions to speak.
But nobody& #39;s here and I& #39;m just too weak.
Fuck, all my doubts and fears are showing.
Thought I had them locked away from before.
I thought I promised myself I won& #39;t show them anymore.
I& #39;m not good with words, I need actions to speak.
But nobody& #39;s here and I& #39;m just too weak.
Put your hand on my heart, can you feel it race.
That& #39;s anxiety telling me I& #39;m easy to replace.
My hands get cold and I start to sweat.
Great, my fears are now all well fed.
I always feel heavy when I show that I care.
I tell myself when it& #39;s necessary someone will be there.
That& #39;s anxiety telling me I& #39;m easy to replace.
My hands get cold and I start to sweat.
Great, my fears are now all well fed.
I always feel heavy when I show that I care.
I tell myself when it& #39;s necessary someone will be there.
But everytime I am on the edge once more.
I never receive what I& #39;m hoping for.
I tell myself it& #39;s because I have no one who stays.
Everyone will leave eventually, only with some delays.
I& #39;m sick of this place, I wanna run away.
But I& #39;d always feel restless and too afraid to stay.
I never receive what I& #39;m hoping for.
I tell myself it& #39;s because I have no one who stays.
Everyone will leave eventually, only with some delays.
I& #39;m sick of this place, I wanna run away.
But I& #39;d always feel restless and too afraid to stay.
I wish everyone could take a look in my head.
Find the reasons why I often wanna be dead.
I sound overdramatic and I& #39;m scared.
What if they judge me, but what if they cared?
Would something change if I lay it all out?
Sealed mouth but I& #39;m trying to shout.
Find the reasons why I often wanna be dead.
I sound overdramatic and I& #39;m scared.
What if they judge me, but what if they cared?
Would something change if I lay it all out?
Sealed mouth but I& #39;m trying to shout.
I feel stupid enough for my ways.
My mind is evil and it& #39;s been that way for 778 days.
I& #39;ve been doing better and I& #39;ve been doing worse.
But it never completely leaves, it& #39;s truly a curse.
Wish I could stop making everyone feel bad.
I can& #39;t really help it that I often feel sad.
My mind is evil and it& #39;s been that way for 778 days.
I& #39;ve been doing better and I& #39;ve been doing worse.
But it never completely leaves, it& #39;s truly a curse.
Wish I could stop making everyone feel bad.
I can& #39;t really help it that I often feel sad.
I tell myself it& #39;s because I haven& #39;t slept well.
But there& #39;s more to this I could tell.
But I& #39;ve told some before and regretted it the next hour.
I& #39;m getting emotional, bitter and sour.
It& #39;s not your fault, it& #39;s all in my mind.
I thought it& #39;s enough for you to be just kind.
But there& #39;s more to this I could tell.
But I& #39;ve told some before and regretted it the next hour.
I& #39;m getting emotional, bitter and sour.
It& #39;s not your fault, it& #39;s all in my mind.
I thought it& #39;s enough for you to be just kind.
But asking one time and never bothering after.
Isn& #39;t the way to bring me joy and laughter.
I know it& #39;s my fight, it& #39;s duty to resist.
I should scream my lungs out and raise my fist.
But how can you fight something that& #39;s part of your being?
How can I have purpose or any meaning?
Isn& #39;t the way to bring me joy and laughter.
I know it& #39;s my fight, it& #39;s duty to resist.
I should scream my lungs out and raise my fist.
But how can you fight something that& #39;s part of your being?
How can I have purpose or any meaning?
If not for my mind that makes me creative and smart.
But also is the reason I have to restart.
Everyday is a challenge, another strife.
Constantly questioning why I& #39;m alive.
But nobody needs worry, I& #39;d never do it even if I wanted to.
Although I can& #39;t deny that wish it was true.
But also is the reason I have to restart.
Everyday is a challenge, another strife.
Constantly questioning why I& #39;m alive.
But nobody needs worry, I& #39;d never do it even if I wanted to.
Although I can& #39;t deny that wish it was true.
