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It's 2 a.m. and I really want to cry. Please ignore this. I beg you. Don't ask me about this because my night thoughts always suck and are irrational. I know that.
My mind works in ways that I can't explain.
Either its beauty dominates or its fears and the pain.
The ones I considered close don't understand.
They think I can control it like it's my hand.
If only they saw what they do to me.
Everytime they ask and ask and assume I'm free.
Either its beauty dominates or its fears and the pain.
The ones I considered close don't understand.
They think I can control it like it's my hand.
If only they saw what they do to me.
Everytime they ask and ask and assume I'm free.
Free to do whatever I want without a worry.
Free not to always feel the need to say sorry.
Excusing my affection and every little whine.
Always scared of crossing any obvious line.
I'm irrational & I never know what's real.
Stop questioning it when I say I don't know how I feel.
Free not to always feel the need to say sorry.
Excusing my affection and every little whine.
Always scared of crossing any obvious line.
I'm irrational & I never know what's real.
Stop questioning it when I say I don't know how I feel.
I wasn't born with it, maybe then I'd know how to decide.
Do I tell them my thoughts or avoid another fight?
I'm a fuck up, I will let you down and deserve this trepidation.
I get moments in which not one thought is safe.
When I just wanna talk but hide away in my cave.
Do I tell them my thoughts or avoid another fight?
I'm a fuck up, I will let you down and deserve this trepidation.
I get moments in which not one thought is safe.
When I just wanna talk but hide away in my cave.
I annoy most of the people I know with my issues.
There she goes again, go, grab some tissues.
I haven't felt happy since December.
Happiness was once familiar but now I don't remember.
I'm pathetic maybe I should do what I preach.
Always long for something I'm not able to reach.
There she goes again, go, grab some tissues.
I haven't felt happy since December.
Happiness was once familiar but now I don't remember.
I'm pathetic maybe I should do what I preach.
Always long for something I'm not able to reach.
Feel so out of control and it's overflowing.
Fuck, all my doubts and fears are showing.
Thought I had them locked away from before.
I thought I promised myself I won't show them anymore.
I'm not good with words, I need actions to speak.
But nobody's here and I'm just too weak.
Fuck, all my doubts and fears are showing.
Thought I had them locked away from before.
I thought I promised myself I won't show them anymore.
I'm not good with words, I need actions to speak.
But nobody's here and I'm just too weak.
Put your hand on my heart, can you feel it race.
That's anxiety telling me I'm easy to replace.
My hands get cold and I start to sweat.
Great, my fears are now all well fed.
I always feel heavy when I show that I care.
I tell myself when it's necessary someone will be there.
That's anxiety telling me I'm easy to replace.
My hands get cold and I start to sweat.
Great, my fears are now all well fed.
I always feel heavy when I show that I care.
I tell myself when it's necessary someone will be there.
But everytime I am on the edge once more.
I never receive what I'm hoping for.
I tell myself it's because I have no one who stays.
Everyone will leave eventually, only with some delays.
I'm sick of this place, I wanna run away.
But I'd always feel restless and too afraid to stay.
I never receive what I'm hoping for.
I tell myself it's because I have no one who stays.
Everyone will leave eventually, only with some delays.
I'm sick of this place, I wanna run away.
But I'd always feel restless and too afraid to stay.
I wish everyone could take a look in my head.
Find the reasons why I often wanna be dead.
I sound overdramatic and I'm scared.
What if they judge me, but what if they cared?
Would something change if I lay it all out?
Sealed mouth but I'm trying to shout.
Find the reasons why I often wanna be dead.
I sound overdramatic and I'm scared.
What if they judge me, but what if they cared?
Would something change if I lay it all out?
Sealed mouth but I'm trying to shout.
I feel stupid enough for my ways.
My mind is evil and it's been that way for 778 days.
I've been doing better and I've been doing worse.
But it never completely leaves, it's truly a curse.
Wish I could stop making everyone feel bad.
I can't really help it that I often feel sad.
My mind is evil and it's been that way for 778 days.
I've been doing better and I've been doing worse.
But it never completely leaves, it's truly a curse.
Wish I could stop making everyone feel bad.
I can't really help it that I often feel sad.
I tell myself it's because I haven't slept well.
But there's more to this I could tell.
But I've told some before and regretted it the next hour.
I'm getting emotional, bitter and sour.
It's not your fault, it's all in my mind.
I thought it's enough for you to be just kind.
But there's more to this I could tell.
But I've told some before and regretted it the next hour.
I'm getting emotional, bitter and sour.
It's not your fault, it's all in my mind.
I thought it's enough for you to be just kind.
But asking one time and never bothering after.
Isn't the way to bring me joy and laughter.
I know it's my fight, it's duty to resist.
I should scream my lungs out and raise my fist.
But how can you fight something that's part of your being?
How can I have purpose or any meaning?
Isn't the way to bring me joy and laughter.
I know it's my fight, it's duty to resist.
I should scream my lungs out and raise my fist.
But how can you fight something that's part of your being?
How can I have purpose or any meaning?
If not for my mind that makes me creative and smart.
But also is the reason I have to restart.
Everyday is a challenge, another strife.
Constantly questioning why I'm alive.
But nobody needs worry, I'd never do it even if I wanted to.
Although I can't deny that wish it was true.
But also is the reason I have to restart.
Everyday is a challenge, another strife.
Constantly questioning why I'm alive.
But nobody needs worry, I'd never do it even if I wanted to.
Although I can't deny that wish it was true.
It's exhausting and I'm ruining the things I need most.
Ripping open wounds that should probably stay closed.
Pushing everyone away to have an excuse.
"I tried to get help but they always refuse!"
I need to work on myself to stay on track.
Order my fears and emotions in a stack.
Ripping open wounds that should probably stay closed.
Pushing everyone away to have an excuse.
"I tried to get help but they always refuse!"
I need to work on myself to stay on track.
Order my fears and emotions in a stack.
Maybe then I'll figure out how to properly live.
I have to because I've still got so much love to give.
___
I'm neither a writer nor a poet. So I apologize. I haven't re-read this thread because I can't handle these feelings rationally at literally 3 a.m. xx ily
I have to because I've still got so much love to give.
___
I'm neither a writer nor a poet. So I apologize. I haven't re-read this thread because I can't handle these feelings rationally at literally 3 a.m. xx ily
