When I stopped wearing hijab I never thought I'd want to wear it again. & then it really hit, that God really does turn hearts. And if he seals yours from His guidance, that's it. Our faith fluctuating, our desire to do good, our guilt, the ability to feel, it's all a privilege.

And that's why I'll always caution against turning away from your Deen. Try, try, and try some more. Speak to people, hold out for as long as you can if it doesn't impact your health. Honestly, when you let go, the contentment is fleeting, if not entirely non-existent.

In all truth, I don't look forward to the day when I wake up with no guilt for doing wrong by God, & in turn myself. I'll know He let me go, and I cannot stand the thought of that.

But also, don't blindly follow. Know your Faith. Study your religion. Back up your actions with rational thought. Because the former can have us glorify an unhealthy struggle. And that's not what it's about either. Faith should bring peace to the heart through overcoming hurdles.