In today’s “Tales from the Subs” I’m hearing about a lovely chap, we’ll call him “Dickward”, who is keen to know how he can slip his custard launcher into his girlfriend’s ass without her noticing. Apparently she likes her ass rubbed but not penetrated, and he’s sad .

Don’t be like Dickward. If your partner has said “Don’t put things in my ass”, they don’t mean “...but it’s ok if I don’t notice”.
They mean “Just don’t”.
Being sad you don’t get what you want is not a reason to ignore consent.
Also spoiler: she’s going to notice.

Contrary to what you see on Brazzers, you can’t just slip your womb broom through a muscle specifically designed to stay closed at all costs without her knowing and without any preparation or lube. It’s going to hurt both of you.

Also did I mention she specifically said she doesn’t consent to it? Consent is the difference between bum fun and rape. Consent isn’t boring, it’s sexy. Showing you understand consent will get you much further than you could imagine.

Don’t be like Dickward.