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My best friend and roommate had a stroke last night, and because of this goddamn pandemic there’s nothing I can do but scream at home while she withers in an ICU bed
This doesn’t even feel like fucking reality anymore
Positive progress. The bleeding is down and she’s starting to give responses to stimuli... Not out of the woods by a long shot, but it’s a better place.
Nothing really new this morning. The doctor called her as being in a ‘stupor’. Is that different from a vegetative state? I’ve never heard that as a medical term before...
It’s the little stuff that’s getting me right now. Like seeing that I still had some apples to give her in Animal Crossing because she didn’t have any yet.
I took a drive to the store to pick up paper towels and toilet paper, because I knew she was worrying about them earlier...
I took a drive to the store to pick up paper towels and toilet paper, because I knew she was worrying about them earlier...
Progress... She’s been moved from a ventilator to a CPAP machine thanks to being able to manage her airway. Still not really there upstairs, but her reactions are coming back.
Also, my apologies for anyone bothered by this. I should’ve capped the thread with some kind of content warning. It’s just cathartic to be able to yell into the void at this point.
They tell us she’s acting ‘agitated’ at times, and are giving her pain medication in case she’s feeling the after effects of the surgery. Part of me is hopeful that it’s a sign of awareness, but I also don’t want her feeling that pain either...
The doctor this morning mentioned looking at long term solutions if she’s not showing progress in the next few days.
I also know she was vehemently against being left in that kind of state. I feel sick thinking about it.
I also know she was vehemently against being left in that kind of state. I feel sick thinking about it.
Got to talk at her through a video call the hospital set up. There wasn’t a whole lot of visible reaction, but it was still kinda cathartic.
They say her BP is elevated when she’s being interacted with, so we hope that maybe that means there’s an awareness there, deep down.
They say her BP is elevated when she’s being interacted with, so we hope that maybe that means there’s an awareness there, deep down.
We had a second video call this morning. The nurses were lovely about it, and very helpful.
I just wish we could get a sign from her. Anything.
They’ll be trying an EEG soon.
I just wish we could get a sign from her. Anything.
They’ll be trying an EEG soon.
She’s not in there anymore.
Maybe, maybe in six months to a year, she’d be able to open her eyes, look around. She would need constant care for the rest of her days though.
I know damn well she’d hate every second of it, and us for keeping her like that.
Maybe, maybe in six months to a year, she’d be able to open her eyes, look around. She would need constant care for the rest of her days though.
I know damn well she’d hate every second of it, and us for keeping her like that.
New doctors this morning, along with palliative care. They all agreed that this was likely the best she’d be for months if not years. Maybe someday they’d be able to upgrade her to a ‘vegetative’ state in a nursing home.
I had a dream that we were fighting over something. Not sure what exactly. Some paper. She grabbed it, jumped into her car, and drove off as I yelled at the window for her to come back.
If anyone’s ever doubted the trope of waking up screaming, I’ll vouch that it’s a real thing.
If anyone’s ever doubted the trope of waking up screaming, I’ll vouch that it’s a real thing.
We saw her reach out today in our morning call. A nurse was prepping her for going into an MRI and she reached up, just touching the tubes gently... I’ve never been so emotional about seeing someone move their hand before.
MRI results aren’t great. Part of her brain just isn’t getting oxygen...
She’s going into hospice. There’s just nothing more that can be done now. We were already pushing against her wishes by keeping her going this long, but we had to give her the opportunity to come back to us.
At least we can see her in person there.
At least we can see her in person there.
She’s gone...
We were there with her until the end, and I don’t regret that. She was originally going to be a donor, but the stubborn lady that she is, she hung on until after the 90 minute window of viability passed. Every time her husband kissed her forehead, she would rally.
After the hospital transferred her to the hospice unit, we were sat in a waiting area until she was settled. The nurses came back a few minutes later and told us she had passed.
On her own terms, like with all things.
Damn it, I’m gonna miss you, Vee.
On her own terms, like with all things.
Damn it, I’m gonna miss you, Vee.
Again, my apologies for anyone that has been bothered by this thread. I know you all are here for good times mushroom tweets, but this has been a bit of catharsis for myself.
Take care of yourselves and those around you.
Take care of yourselves and those around you.
