There’s a lot of “male socialization” talk on my feed today. I don’t know where it stems from, but here’s my shitty hot take.

I was socialized male. Not in spite of, but because of the abuse I tolerated as a child by other children. That was male socialization.

When I came and started actually being treated as a woman, it came as a severe bit of culture shock. There’s patronizing kindness and mansplaining galore, but after years of being shit on, differently, and told to “man up” and take it, it feels more sinister and underhanded.

I actually struggled with being a woman in society initially. People were nicer in a “bless your heart” backhanded way, but presenting male I wasn’t immediately dismissed whenever I spoke. I didn’t have to fight to be taken seriously. I took lots of abuse, but I was privileged.

The change how I was treated based on my appearance alone that was striking, and it also led me to find solidarity with other women, and male friends kind of drifted away. The don’t know what it’s like to be a woman in society, but neither did I until I was viewed as such.

It’s goes hand in hand, for me, with the idea that we don’t choose this. Who would give up that privilege that’s innate to men, if not to save one’s own life?

I was lamenting my lack of physical strength without constant upkeep to my father, who told me I could just stop transitioning and be strong again. I could be seen as a man, be physically superior to who I am now, and seen in higher regard societally, but that idea repulses me.