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Real talk:
My confidence and self-esteem took a massive hit when I first participated in this community. As the newbie wife of a much more established artist, I was the subject of gossip and mockery, not just from strangers but also from people I'd looked up to for years.
My confidence and self-esteem took a massive hit when I first participated in this community. As the newbie wife of a much more established artist, I was the subject of gossip and mockery, not just from strangers but also from people I'd looked up to for years.
To them I was just another girl with no talent trying to ride her husband's coat tails to acclaim. I can't tell you how awful it is to hear people think that of you but be powerless to change their mind, bc their narrative makes a better punchline than the full complex story.
But behind the scenes, those opinions cut deep. I knew that all I could do was keep my head down, try to get better and remember than you can't please everyone. But trying to forget that there were more than a few people out there who made sport of my struggles is not so easy.
Even now, long after the gossip died off (or at least, stopped making it back to me), I still struggle with fear. Fear of what others think, fear that others are still ridiculing me and my work, fear that if I take time for myself or change direction it'll be noticed. It's hard.
BUT it has got easier. With each passing month I feel more and more myself. I trust myself and my work more, and I become more compassionate towards those who made me feel this way. It gets easier to see that those words that weighed a tonne were only thrown lightly.
While I might have appeared to be "just a talentless girl riding her husband's coat tails" back then, I've worked tirelessly to improve, to build a business, to empower those around me. I'm very clearly not that girl. I'm proud of what I have achieved, what I have yet to achieve
The weird thing though? I understand it. I know why they gossiped, what they saw, why they saw it. I know, if I was in their shoes, I'd have seen it too. I forgive them. I think that growing to be more comfortable in myself has helped me make peace with it all.
We all have our insecurities that we drag around with us, and the baggage that others lay on us that weighs so much more on our backs than it did coming out of their mouths. We all have our inner battles, that's normal.
It just feels good to be open about these insecurities.
It just feels good to be open about these insecurities.
Airing them out, facing them, understanding them, gives them much less power. And yep, being honest and saying "I know you guys thought I was a bimbo and it's OK" is important to me.
Because I've proven myself to myself. And that makes further criticism fall a little lighter. <3
Because I've proven myself to myself. And that makes further criticism fall a little lighter. <3
