New: football matches to be played on the moon in seven-minute bursts wearing frogman suits a tearful, confused big football administration source confirms

Football matches to be played underground in July using brand new Etch-a-sketch technology and a pebble for a ball, confirms completely out of his depth football administration source

Football matches to be played inside the digital cloud by seagulls as early as next week confirms football source, watching invisible fortunes slip away through his fingers

Apologies. Guess I'm just trying to suggest nobody has a clue. But there's a lot fear and self-interest. Also "the game" is not in mortal danger, but a massively overblown version of it is