Someone close did the whole 'we need to talk' thing today, and needless to say, my reactions to it were exactly what 'we need to talk's result in. Either way, there was no escaping it, so I buzzed back and we had a very uncomfortable, but needed convo.

Worst part is, I suppose, that I'd been given a similar chat by someone else a few months ago, and hadn't changed those problematic aspects of mine. Which is, tbh, immature, and, as today's caller said, 'distasteful' on top of all.

This ofc resulted in the whole "UGH I SHOULD HAVE/ SHOULD HAVE NOT/ WHY DIDN'T I" bit of self-blame, which was very, very deserved.
And, while caller (let's call them Xi) was extremely critical (rightfully so) -

- they were also really good with the 'moving forward' bit of it, and 'don't dwell on that' bit now.
And, despite having been flakey and terrible with fixing where I was wrong at the last time, this reaction (of not saying 'yes you should have') was a lot more 'hopeful'?

For lack of a better word, I mean.
So it wasn't a "Yeah, you've really been a bit of a dick and more for the last few months, intentionally, so get yo shit together", but it was more of a "you've been a dick throughout, you know this, I KNOW you can do better, so now do it."

Phrasing, I suppose. Which I am evidently terrible at when I am bored and have nothing to lose.

Anyway. Not sure this thread had a point, except that I am once again grateful to friends for uncomfortable conversations _without_ being pedantic and holier-than-thou about it.

And more importantly, for understanding how contrarian I can be, and still going out of their way to not trigger that trait WHILE being critical of things I can be wrongly defensive about.
That takes a lot of work and energy, and I truly appreciate that.