As a migrant, you're expecting to bend over backwards and show fealty to countries that will barely give you crumbs - and that's if you're lucky.

Even if you become a citizen, you'll still have an asterisk next to your name that makes you disposable to everyone else. https://twitter.com/janeruffino/status/1249626071319838729

"Maybe you should have respect for the country that's provided for you" - as if migrants don't pay taxes, on top of exuberant other fees that we need to pay upfront just to get our foot in the country, let alone live here.

I've lived in the UK for almost 5 years. I work, I study, I pay taxes here. My partner and I have created a home here.

And for these "privileges", do you know how much I pay? $449 for the application fee. £300 per year upfront for the NHS.

Assuming I even get a job in the UK after my PhD, do you know how much THAT will cost me? For the "privilege" of working in a country that I now consider home?

£1,220 for the work visa. £624 for the NHS - per year.

And that's assuming they won't jack the prices up again by the time I enter the job market - the one that may or may not even exist this time next year.

And on top of all of this, I am extremely - EXTREMELY - privileged as a migrant. I'm not from the EU, but I am still from the Global North (the US). I was able to take out student loans to help with the heavy finances for my Tier 4 visa. I'm seen as "desirable" as a PhD student.

But I'm still precarious as hell. I don't make plans in advance because I'm unsure of what my visa status will be. I'm afraid to make big decisions with my partner because who knows if I'll be in the same country as him next year?

My supervisors have noted that I've had difficulties in focusing on my PhD, even pre-pandemic. And yeah, I definitely have - because it's not just about finishing the PhD for me. I need to have things planned in advance, to schedule every single thing to make the most of my visa.

If I finish at this time, I'll be able to apply for a one year visa extension. If I don't, I may end up deported while doing my corrections. I need to secure some kind of position in the UK post-PhD that will let me stay here. I need to save money to apply for a spouse visa.

Right now, I'm unemployed due to the pandemic. I can't take on most other jobs as I'm limited to 20 hrs/week on my visa. Even then, my supervisors are wary of me working at this point during my PhD as I am falling behind schedule.

I have money in my savings account, but I am terrified of spending it. Why? Because of the financial requirements that migrants need to pass just to get a visa. Did you know you have to prove you have money saved up just to successfully get a visa in the UK?

Not that it matters - even without showing that I have funding in one form or another, I can't access public funding anyway. I need lots of money in advance regardless to pay off all of my application fees. Once, I was forced out of the UK to apply for a new visa last minute.

Being a migrant is like being an early academic is like being anyone trying to pass through gates meant to keep the Other out - we're in a liminal, precarious space without support, without help, without a home.

And I'm so tired of it. I want to be on solid ground.