anyone else feeling abnormally fucking pissed off right now? a thread:

we're multiple so we share who is speaking sometimes. This is Eliza:

Needs live somewhere in you, in me, in our beings. Let's call that a place of consciousness.

When a certain place has its need denied for a long time, that place fills with resentment.

That resentment is fuel for anger. Anything can spark anger.

Buddhist leader and activist Thich Nhat Hanh says anger is like your house is on fire. Don't chase the arsonist, put out the fire first, he says.

His other metaphor is that anger is like a crying baby. "Hello, anger, I see you, and know you are there" Care for your baby. That's helped us.

This reminds me of Rumi's Guest House poem, where he says we need to welcome each passing emotion. http://www.sagemindfulness.com/blog/rumi-s-poem-the-guest-house

If you try to avoid the fire or crying baby, things get worse. Care for your vulnerable unmet needs, and your anger. How?

Talk it out. It's tricky to create the depth of container to hold space for anger, so a lot of people repress it. Some call this "conflict avoidance"

But the point is there is a conflict - the anger is an extension of some underlying conflict of needs.

Use the support of a mediator, a friend, a therapist - yet seek support. These unmet needs need addressing.

Anger can de-escalate heavily when we at least acknowledge the pain of an unmet need.

Maybe you can't provide the specific resource the anger is based around - I'm upset because I don't have money. But I can't just give myself more money.

But I can at least validate the pain of financial struggle in the short term, and explore committing to take action in the medium term to change that, and to that part or place's overall well-being long term.

Right now there are tons of needs going unmet, many more than usual. That is a shock, by definition.

So my individual needs are going unmet, and also my need for overall well-being and progress on my goals is going unmet. And my need for others well-being, etc.

In cases like this, when the whole world feels like a giant jello mold of rage, it's easy to lose site of the 327 issues floating in each our personal molds. If we addressed one at a time, the jello of rage wouldn't be so big.

Not only manageable, it might even be yummy. Anger is full of our life energies. When metabolized well it is actually full of powerful nutrients.

cw: but I'm in crisis

So break it down. If you are in complete overwhelm and crisis, this meticulous work won't be much possible. Your nervous system is shaking under the weight of it all. In that case get safe and stabilize and live to jello sort another day.

A playful visualization:

Like all of the lines outside your grocery store, invite all the individual angers to line up outside your loving room. Maintain social distance so they don't get in a fight.

And let folks in. One at a time. Or in groups if they insist it's all connected.

You: How are you?

"Anger 1": I'M FUCKING PISSED

You: why?

A1: WE HAVENT EATEN RIGHT IN WEEKS

You: ah. agreed. thank you for sharing. that must have been hard.

A1: SO HARD.

You: I'm sorry.

A1 (relaxing): Oh, thanks. Can we please just focus more on food?

You: Yes. Do you have ideas on how we could do that?

A1: Yes, just spend a little energy on it every day. And generally prioritize food.

You: Ok, will do, thank you. Talk soon.