Ok fuck it.

Here's the problem.

I can't understand a single shit any of you says.
I can't because I'm kept guessing on every single thing.
Even tiny little things.
I'm bound to misunderstand repeatedly because things are to be interpreted.

There is no talking. Only guessing.
Maybe it's easy for you. Because you only have to deal with one person. Because to you, it's obvious what is a subtweet and what isn't.
Because, when you have a misunderstanding, with your friends, or with others, you CAN TALK

You CAN have actual conversations and not be kept guessing.

And by now, it just feels so fucking unfair to me that SO MANY of you know EVERYTHING, while I don't.
YOU ALL know things I don't, understand things in a way I can't because I can ONLY guess.

It feels so fucking unfait that a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend or whatever, who i don't even know, THEY know it all. They can understand it all and if they don't, they can ask someone and they will know

While I have to be kept guessing

And being treated as fucking stupid because "how did you not get this obvious subtweet that says this thing and how could you possibly be stupid enough to think that subtweet was about you while it so clearly wasn't you stupid bitch"

You only have to deal with one person. I have to deal with i don't even know how many.

WHY

WHY can't I talk by now
After so many years
How, WHY can't I have the possibility to talk, to ask, to get answers, to listen to what you want and need to say

WHY can't I talk, while ALL OF YOU can between each other

I can't talk about this to anyone
Who the fuck would take me seriously anyway

Why by now, can't I have a DM or a mail or i don't fucking know what

I think I've said i didn't want any obvious public interaction years ago

I probably said I didn't want DMs or things like that at the beginning i don't really remember by now
But I know I did ask for it at some point, even if it still was years ago, just not as long ago
I don't remember it all
I think i said I'd rather meet in person as a first actual

"interaction" or idk how to call it
But it's been soooooooo long
WHY is it still this way??

Why would you want it to be this way?
Do you actually want it to be this way?

Why would it be okay to DM anyone who you'd want to talk to BUT ME

Why do i have to be kept in this situation where i can only guess

I want to be able to actually talk, to actually know and understand what the fuck is going on so that i can stop freaking out and stop fucking things up

Why can't I get to talk but anyone else can
WHY

It just makes me feel like I'm being played or that I created it all

Can you get why it feels so fucking unfair to me that people who know about this hardly know less than I do???

People who understood things by themselves

basically know as much as I do, and yet I'm sure some of them have to understand things better than I can

Can you get why it feels so fucking unfair to me that SO MANY fucking people know WAY MORE than I do? That they can understand everything, that it doesn't cost them nearly

as much effort as I need to try to understand
It doesn't cost them much to see it all, while I have to juggle between i don't even know how many people to try to figure out what the fuck is going on because i DON'T KNOW SHIT i can only guess

And yes, I AM COMPLETELY aware of how fucking selfish and self centered etc etc this sounds, but seriously, do you think it is normal for dozens and dozens of people who have NOTHING to do with this to KNOW and understand EVERYTHING while I don't and can't??????

Do you think it is normal to keep me guessing, to not be able to talk or have a conversation????

Why am i kept away from this??

Because I asked to be years ago?? Because I didn't dare ask for actual DM or whatever for fear of being intrusive?
Because i am forgetting something

I said years ago that you are still following/obeying/idk what????

Why??

And even if i don't remember everything I've ever said I know it's far from the first time that I ask why do i have to just keep guessing and can't actually get to talk and listen to what people have to say etc etc

Oh, forgot to say in case it could create some misunderstandings or idk : this thread was for the same people as in the previous thread