About when I reached age 12, I never saw myself reaching this point. I could never envision myself as an adult once my downward spiral began. Even now, it’s hard seeing myself as an adult. Seeing that I made it. That I’m here. I thought for so long that nothing I did 1/5

Regarding school, career choices, anything for my future ever mattered, because I thought I would leave this world before I had to deal with those things. So, I ruined myself. I lost my academic touch, I don’t have any sort of career path I want to go down. 2/5

Even now, I still couldn’t bring myself to obtain my GED when I had the opportunity. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I feel as if I allowed so many doors to shut because I thought I wouldn’t have to go through any of them. Thoughts like this hit me every year. 3/5

It was only in this past year that I started to look forward to living again. But, even now it’s hard. I feel like a child learning to walk. I’ve been out of school, not working, not doing anything, for almost 3 years now. 4/5

That feeling of wanting to live, of wanting to survive, it’s strange to me. I want to reach 18 and get my first (and possibly only) tattoo of a semi colon. It might be hard with the current state of the world, but. I want to have proof I survived. That I’m still surviving. 5/5

Afternote: Sorry for this thread, I’m just not feeling well and needed to get this off my chest again.