i don't understand how all you quarantined people have time to bake bread. i barely have a moment to breathe after manicuring my plants, repainting the walls, practicing guitar, playing video games, and filing petty complaints with my building management about lockdown violators

i was out on the balcony just now and my neighbors were having a small dinner party and when they saw me they looked all guilty and said "don't worry, we all live on the same floor." cool cool, i guess coronavirus only spreads vertically

but i didn't actually file a complaint with the building, because i'm not *that* petty. i may be the kind of guy who makes up balcony conversations with neighbors for fun, but i ain't no snitch

i didn't *really* make the conversation up. it did happen. but not to me. it happened to my wife. and then she told me about it. and then i complained about it to building management, because i'm totally a snitch