Read on Twitter
i am angry. for myself, for my friends, for my mother, my grandmothers, for women worldwide. i tend to keep my personal opinions and feelings to myself on social media, but i’m angry. here’s a thread.
why is it that some people, often men (not condemning all men, mind you), have grown increasingly comfortable with objectifying, harassing, and terrorizing women for the way they look?
i’m moderately conservative in the images i post on social media. you won’t catch me in incredibly provocative styles or poses. if a woman decides she wants to post those kinds of things, more power to her! let us celebrate her confidence and her body respectfully!
that’s personally just not something i do, and therefore should also be respected for such. my most “provocative” images in which i post on my public platforms often include cleavage. why? because i am a woman. they’re there. it’s not like they’re velcro-ed accessories.
therefore, i am stuck in the body i was granted. however, i am increasingly finding myself in situations in which i am frustrated or ashamed of fearful of the way my natural body is because of the things people have said and done.
i have been on the receiving end of inappropriate actions and comments about my body since fifth grade. that would make me 10 years old.
imagine, being 10 years old and learning that your natural body was inappropriate and needed to be maintained so that men wouldn’t look at you. imagine, being 12 years old and having to sit down with your dad and explain people have been touching you and grabbing you at school.
imagine, going through your teenage years and learning what socially constituted a slut or a prude, and expected to abide by such standards.
this is reality i, and so many other women globally, have experienced. some stories are much more tragic than mine. i’ve cried with my friends and mother and grandmother over mine and their experiences that were caused by shrewd eyes, loose mouths, and wandering hands.
this has generated an overall sense of fear. i am afraid to tell someone that has pursued me several times that i actually am not interested and will not be “hanging out”, because what will they say, or worse, what will they do in the face of rejection?
i am growing more aware and nervous of what i post on social media, because what is “too much”? what will make it look like i’m asking for it, when really i wore something i felt confident in and enjoyed a night out with my girls in?
my friend and i needed to drop my car off at a remote parking lot at nighttime, and would have to walk back. we dressed in baggy clothes, hiding any womanly shape. i unlocked my pepper spray. we kept our keys between our fingers. we laughed about it, but nothing was funny.
i have posted pictures of myself and a friend at a formal event in formal attire, and someone said, “let me rip that dress off you and fuck”. that’s pretty violent. because of the way i was dressed and the way my body is naturally, he felt he had an entitlement to it.
a man told me a joke, i told him it was funny, and then he demanded that because i found him funny that i then had to send him nude photographs. he felt entitled.
i have said no to a man’s approaches for nude photographs, and he immediately unfollowed and blocked me. this has happened several times, with several different people.
i have a more obscure social media account that i have enjoyed for years. i have used that app to share music, scenes in nature, and moments with friends i’ve enjoyed. i’ve also recently used it to blog about my faith, my mental health journey, and my personal experiences.
because the majority of my following in that app is female, i have posted pictures like of a sports bra and leggings. the most skin showing is that of my stomach. a man brought it up in a conversation with absolutely no context, immediately i felt i should delete the account.
an account i have enjoyed for years. but the ideas of potential things he could be doing and thinking about with such an image terrified me then and now.
once i was in a restaurant with a friend. a drunk man sat down at our table and would not get up for the next 45 minutes. my friend and i were terrified, but we were even more terrified about what would happen if we made a scene.
i got in the car when it was over, and he followed me for the next ten miles of dark back roads. he only left when i pulled into a fire station. the police officer i spoke with scolded me for not being more aware of my actions.
i was followed to work this past summer. i lived forty minutes from my place of work. I took several backroads to try and see if it was a coincidence. it was not. he pulled into the shopping center i worked at, did a lap, and left. i still know the make, model, and license plate
why have we allowed such a culture of fear to so nonchalantly surround women and their bodies? why is this so widely accepted? why do we allow the people in our lives to make unacceptable comments and commit unacceptable actions because they feel entitled?
or because they have trouble accepting the word “no”, or rather they have trouble accepting other people have different lifestyles from them?
why do we still have laws and statutes in place that are perpetuating these kinds of scenarios? why do we support politicians who are actively working to continue supporting laws and statutes that put women down and place them in uncomfortable or dangerous situations?
i am angry. i am hurt. i am scared. i ask that you have conversations with your friends and your neighbors and your family and yourself of what is supportive and protective of women and what is not.
i ask you to hold yourself to a standard in which you know you will say or do something in situations in which individuals are powerless.
as i ask that, please know that i am also continuing to challenge myself in standing up for powerless people. i still have a long way to grow in using the privilege i have been given to stand up and advocate for the marginalized populations around me.
there is so much more suffering in the world that i have never experienced, and every time i overlook their problems, i am in turn becoming part of the problem.
i am not perfect, neither are you. hold me, yourself, and others around you accountable in reminding them the ways in which their words and actions can impact. i don’t know what much more to say. i hope you all are continually staying safe and healthy. thx for reading ahah
