I'm struggling with the idea that Autistic people need help "understanding" the changes brought by coping with the Covid-19 pandemic.

I mean, IME, the problem isn't not understanding. It's handling all the frustration that goes with living the changes.

I mean, when my grandparents did my grocery shopping and I took care to make them detailed lists and they STILL brought me the wrong thing, I understood what was happening.

But it didn't really help me deal with the way I felt about it all, which was... powerless.

Autistic people are notoriously awful at dealing with unexpected changes to our routines.

But you have to think about why that is. I mean, it doesn't come from nowhere.

For me, in my experience, it's about control.

As an Autistic person, there are tons of unpleasant experiences I just can't control.

I know non-Autistics also can't control a lot of this stuff, but IT IS DIFFERENT for Autistic people.

We often experience stuff much more (or less) intensely than non-Autistics.

As Autistic people, we work up a lot of strategies to try and control our personal experiences. Ear defenders, sunglasses, weighted blankets, and stim toys are some of common the ones we go for.

But figuring out what works for us is a lot about trial-and-error and takes energy.

So partly having a routine that we rely on is about feeling like we're not so powerless to the whims of the world.

But it's also about stability and security.

Because, again, Autistic people are often bombarded with stuff we're expected to deal with way before we're ready.

And at least if there's a routine that we're settled into and we know what to expect, that takes some of the pressure off for us to try to figure out what's next.

We know what's next because it's the routine. It's safety.

I think if you want to help Autistic people cope with routine changes, period, you have to figure out what the lost routine did for us.

Is it about having an anchor in a world that otherwise feels chaotic? Okay, help us find a new one.

Helping Autistic people deal with routine changes during Covid-19 is not necessarily about having a whole day's schedule planned out.

Things aren't super certain right now and I don't necessarily think getting into a new rigid routine is going to be the best thing for everyone.

It might be about smaller routines to deal with external triggers.

Or discussing the night before what the plan is for the next day. With some sort of reminder that "things might not go that way."

Helping Autistic people cope with routine changes right now might be making plans for "what we do when we feel a certain way".

Maybe not just for the Autistic family members but also for the non-Autistic ones.

These can function as cues for everyone.

Also IME Autistic people are actually super embodied people and need some sort of safe physical outlet for when our feelings get too big for us to keep in our bodies.

Maybe a punching bag or a trampoline or (for those of us who are more coordinated) a jump rope or...

Also since folks are sort of cooped up together right now, it's a good time to maybe practice checking in with each other.

"How are you feeling?" "What was a good thing about today?"

And maybe give each other permission to need space.

I know people were asking for these sorts of tips weeks ago. It took me this long to process my thoughts.

I think it just comes back to treating Autistic people as reliable narrators of own experiences though. Paying attention to what we communicate, HOWEVER we communicate it.

And, yeah, making contingency plans ahead of time for dealing with situations IS a super great strategy.

"What we do if you feel like you can't use your words."

"What we do if you feel like you're going to explode from all that frustrated energy inside you."

I think the key is to treat each other's needs as valid.

And speaking of needs.

My bed is broken and I still need a dryer. If you can help and want to, check out the linked thread. https://twitter.com/EbThen/status/1247665025164115968